Fifty Shades of Fatherhood

Chapter 18

Christian

I was amazed when I walked in Ana's apartment she had large black and white photos of her and Teddy everywhere. They were stunning capturing pure love between mother and child. One of him cradled to her chest, and I am guessing he was just a few days old to one I imagine was recent where they were at a park he was walking holding her hand their backs toward the camera but you could feel the joy by the way they moved. They both radiated happiness even though you could not see their faces and the fact the photographer was able to capture the love blew my mind. The photos were intimate, portrayed raw emotion and stunning. My favorite was one of Teddy sitting on Ana's lap while she read him a story. There was one with another man twirling Teddy as he grinned. I hoped he was not Ana's boyfriend. Taylor interrupted my train of thought he admired the collection as well, he walked studying the art "stunning photos."

I nodded my agreement before a surge of jealousy shot through me as I read the script of Jose Rodriguez on the left-hand bottom corner of every photo. She had shared this intimacy with Jose, and in all honesty, I should be in these photos with the two of them or on the other end of the camera. The man in the photo was not Jose though, and now my jealousy spiked even more. I then found a smaller picture of Ana flanked by two men, one man held Teddy, while Ana rested her head on the others shoulder. The same man in the larger print. One could tell Teddy adored the man that was holding him; he had a genuine smile and was hugging the man. My blood boiled, and I held onto the anger by how things transpired between Ana and me and how someone else had been living my life with Ana and Teddy. I realize I waited too long to come around to fatherhood and she had given up on me way too quickly. The joy Teddy brought Ana was evident in these photos, and my heart sank wondering if I could be this happy.

It was odd that once I held Teddy and gripped his hand, I felt no anxiety and even though it has only been a day he had made me pleased today. I wondered if I could be as happy with Ana and Teddy as they seem to be with each other long term. The fact I even considered it spoke volumes before I could get in my head about this topic I decided to focus on something else.

Although I am pissed that fucker Jose is still in her life I was astonished again by how he was able to capture Ana's beauty. She looks so radiant, calm and relaxed and Teddy pure child delight. Even in my dreams, I do not remember Ana being as beautiful as she is in these photos. I still have the other images I purchased from Jose hanging in my home office. Every day I would wonder what had happened to her and where my beautiful Ana was now.

My attention returned to my son as he grabs my hand while he mutters "boo" I am not sure what he wants, but he pulls me to what must be Ana's room and points to a book on the shelf above her bed. I picked it up, and he excitedly yelled "boo" again. I reiterated "book," and he shook his head yes as to say yeah that is what I said. I opened it and was astounded by what was in it. There were pictures and articles about my family and me. Teddy pointed to a picture of me and muttered "da da" then pointed at me grinning with his lopsided toothy smile. I could not help grinning at him as Taylor chuckled from the door. I flipped through to find a photo of my parents. Teddy pointed "g-ma and g-pa." The photo was one that was in the society pages of their latest Coping Together charity auction at their home. The binder is how he knew us; Ana had been sharing tidbits of our life with him. A sense of regret rushed through me, as rude as she thought I had been to her she still made an effort for my son to know me.

The next photo was of me standing in front of Charlie Tango for an article that was written about our latest mission to deliver goods in poverty-stricken areas. Teddy grinned "Cha e" "Charlie" I corrected he grinned before taking off running. He was not very steady on his feet, and I worried he would run into something splitting his head open. Ana would never forgive me if Teddy were injured let alone the first time I watched him. I hurried up to follow hoping he would be ok. He was in what was a formal dining room turned into a makeshift bedroom for Teddy. It was set up with a daybed that appeared to be set up for Teddy and Ana to snuggle and read books to his very own bookcase filled with children's classics and a toy chest in the corner. On the top shelf of his bookcase, Teddy pointed "Cha e" I looked up and on the shelf sat a stuffed helicopter and catamaran. I reached for them and was astonished by the detail that closely resembled my boat and helicopter. Embroidered on the toys were Charlie Tango and The Grace, and I wondered from where they came.