Oneshots || Tyrus

Confused

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Hey,

I just found this book buried under my old basketball bags and school papers shoved under my bed and I thought to myself, why not write something in it?

After all, I feel as though I have a lot to say. But I dare not speak it out loud for fear of it being true.

Because if it is true, oh god if it's true, there's no turning back.

I'll have to tell everyone. I'll have to scream it from the rooftops, and explain myself at family gatherings. Whenever people see me, I'll have to live in the constant fear that they'll ask me about it.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. If I'm to come clean with the world, I should at least be honest with myself first, right?

It's simple in theory, but in practice, results may vary.

The truth can be a touchy subject, especially when it digs deep into the very essence of your being.

Up until this point in my life, I feel as if I've simply existed. I felt like a paper man, letting others write my story for me across my skin. Basketball was my dad's idea, English came from my mom's side of the family, and the gobs of hair gel are one of the only things keeping my grandpa's memory alive.

But then I met this person, and everything changed. It's as if I was whole for the first time in my life, as if I could breath without the chains of unrealistic expectations restricting my lungs.

I've never been one to open up around others, but they made me feel as we were the only two souls in the universe, with all of the judgments and expectations of the outside world melting away when I'm with them.

The first time we really spoke, I felt as if I had been handed the cosmos. They made me feel like I had the strength to be myself, to write my own story on my paper skin.

And as the days grew to weeks, and the weeks elapsed into months, I've found myself wanting to spend every waking moment with this person.

And why shouldn't I? They make me feel more me than I've even been my entire life. Whenever we're together, everything clicks in to place perfectly, like lock and key.

But whenever we're apart, all of the judgments and doubts of reality settle in, making my hands shake and my pulse race.

I think I might like them, like, like like them.

But that would mean everything would have to change. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that kind of commitment.

The truth is I'm scared. Scratch that, I'm absolutely terrified! Terrified of being ridiculed by society, of being rejected by my family.

But more than anything, I am completely and utterly mortified at the possibility of losing them.

You're probably confused as to what I mean by all of this.

After all, what problems could I have? I'm the captain of the basketball team! I have great friends and a loving family.

But that's paper me. Paper me is shallow. He likes sports, and English class, and family movie nights. Paper me wears obnoxious camo hoodies and drenches his hair with gel. He's mean to Buffy Driscoll because she's a girl, and he can intimidate anyone in the school with a simple glare.

But the real me, the whole me, is different.

The whole me likes boys.

I like boys.

Actually, as of right now, I like a boy.

I like Cyrus Goodman.

And that absolutely terrifies me.

-TJ Kippen

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•A/N•
Just a quick single pov piece to end out the night. I just plugged into my sad chill music and went with the flow for this one. It's a new writing style for me, so lmk what you think in comments. As always I love y'all and thank you for reading, commenting, and voting <3
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Also! Before I forget! I made a promposal for Luke on my Instagram and it would mean a lot to me if you all went and checked it out and maybe tagged him in the comments a couple times? I really want him to see it :)
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{my insta is the same @ as my wattpad user}