Journal

Confidence

Sept. 26 (2014)

Before, people would look down on me. They would take advantage of me, think I wouldn't fight back, I wouldn't stand up. They were right. I wouldn't. I was scared. I didn't believe in myself nor did I feel like I had the guts. I would just laugh it off.

Before, they would take me as their fool. Have me in the palm of their hand, break me whenever they wanted. And they did.

Before, they wouldn't really care about my feelings. They would always be right and I would always end up apologizing. For nothing.

Before, I didn't have confidence.

Now? Guess what bitches? I have confidence and I believe in who I am. I know who I am and who I want to be. I use to say that I don't let anyone bring me down, but I did. Now I'm actually living in that promise.

People don't look down at me anymore, they look up to me. I'm not saying they want to be me, but I'm saying they appreciate what I do and who I am. They applaud me.

And guess what? I'm in the spotlight. I'm in my own spotlight. I make my own spotlight.

No.

I don't discourage others. I help them. You know what I say? To anyone who treats you badly, think of them as your peasant. As your pet. You are Queen, you are the one who commands. Not them. Don't let them push you around. Don't push THEM around either, but you know what I'm trying to say.

And yes, confidence isn't as easy as 1-2-3. It took me what, three months? Yeah. Three months. Three months to build up my confidence and go into my new school with a fresh start. Not the old me, a new me. I wanted people to see me in the hallways with my head up, and they did.

Not saying you should move to a new school. All I'm saying is try building up your confidence and it will really change the way people look at you.

Ex:

I was going to my last period and this girl was in my seat. Now, the old me would just sit In another seat. The girl thought I wouldn't say anything.

"Excuse me, I sit there." I told her firmly.

She looked up at me, sighed, and moved.

Yes, she actually did look a bit surprised. I'm glad. I want to surprise people. I want them to think "Oh shoot. better not mess with her..."

So yeah.

You are the mother fudging Queen. Okay? Don't EVER let anyone tell you different. Make them look up at you. Be the one in charge and take every room you step in by storm. The spotlight is on you. It's in you. All you have to do is let it out. Even a little bit. And don't you say "I don't want spotlight on meO.o" because I'll literally invent a portal thing to smack you so you can have your eyes opened. Okay? Okay. Good. You're starting your confidence :D Yay!