Beautiful Disaster

Sixty-four

                       Kayleigh POV
                      **Flashback**

I'm laying down on a bed of furs, sweat beads across on my body as my limbs tremble from the lingering aftershocks of the orgasms Lexa wrung from me.
The peacefulness in this moment doesn't last long as my thoughts once again start to drift to Bellamy..

I can't seem to forget about him, not completely, no matter how hard I try.

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" Lexa asks leaning up, head resting on her hand, while the other one traces the newly made tattoo on the back of my neck that travels towards my back.

I love it when it's just the two of us, like this. Our walls dropped down with nothing between us..

"I'm sorry." I say as I turn my head looking back up to her green eyes. "I.. I can't.." I release a sigh, pushing myself up into an upright position, on that she follows. "I feel a connection to him, like I do with you, but its not the same." I say getting frustrated with myself because I dont know how to place into words what it is that I feel. "With him," I can't bring myself to say his name, "its deep, intimate... He makes me feel safe, protected." Loved. He loves me and I love him, but I can't say the words out loud. "With you," I say hands cupping the side of her face. "With you I'm free.. I feel stronger..You make me stronger." And I lean in and kiss her.

I couldn't help it.. Lexa wasn't a want, she was a need.. I needed her and didn't understand why.

"He's to you, what Costia was to me." Lexa says, and I pull back away from her.

She doesn't talk much about the one who was the love of her life, I only know that she was Ashers' sister, and that she was taken, butchered, her head send back to Lexa in a sack. My hands clench at the thought.

Lexa smiles sadly at me, grabbing my clenched hands running a soothing hand over top of them.

"You don't have to say the words, I know you love Bellamy just as I loved her.." She says when I try to protest. "Do you know what a soul mate is?"

Soul mate?

I shake my head. And she gives me a rare smile.

"You feel the pull between us?"

"Yes."

"When you saw me for the first time what did you feel.." When I go to speak she stops me placing a finger on my lips. "No, what did you feel in here." She says her hand drifting down to my chest, hand over top of my heart.

My breathing picks up, and for some reason I'm almost afraid to answer her.

"I..I knew you, even though I had never met you before." I whispered. "There was something drawing me to you.."

"The connection." She says with a nod. "Our spirits are intertwined..yours called out and mine answered."

"Costia wasn't yours?"

"She was, for the time that she was here.. Sometimes, that person is only here long enough to help make you stronger."