You're my best friend 👑

Queen In The U.S.A

The Time went by and the last day of "Queen" in London was coming closer and closer.
The Queen members had decided that their partners or friends could come along with them and Mary and I were allowed to come with them.
The thing was that Shane was still visiting me and I thought it would be awful if I would just go to the USA and leave him alone. We hadn't seen each other in a long time and now I should just leave again? I though it was wrong and so I went to Freddies Room and knocked at the door. "Come in Dear!" Freddie said from inside and I opened the door.
"Hey" I started. "Can I talk to you for a while?" I asked.
"Of course Darling. I've just finished a design for a costume which the band could maybe wear at some concerts!"he said smiling and went to his desk." Take a look dear!"Freddie said and showed me a drawing of a man which clearly should be Brian in a white trousers with a wide white pullover which wasn't really a pullover. It more looked like a poncho but a very amazing poncho. With a very light material." It looks amazing. Really!" I said. "But exactly about this I wanted to talk to you." I started again and Freddie gave me a confused look.
"About the outfit? But darling. I just showed you now. No one saw it before... How do you want to talk to me about it?" Freddie said and I smiled. "No. About the concert."I answered and Freddie smiled." I know I know. I was only joking. Sit here darling. "he said and pointed at his bed.
I sat down and Freddie sat down next to me." So my dear. Now tell me. What is it? "
" You know... I really really really would like to go on tour with you but-"
" But Roger makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't he! "Freddie said with a light smile.
" What? Oh no. No. It's not Roger it's just... I really would like to go with you guys but Shane. I don't want to leave him again. We don't see each other very often anymore and he's my best friend. He always knows whenever something is going on and you know he's... He's like my soul mate. I actually would miss him so much. And I'd love to watch you perform and give those brilliant and amazing and stunning concerts but it's just... Shane is always there for me and I think when I would just go away now again I would maybe destroy our whole friendship...I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. " I said and looked at Freddie.
" Well. You would have the chance to see the best of the best. On Tour. Live. And for free. And you could go to the USA. But well."he said and gave me a serious and pissed face.
" I'm sorry Freddie. But... You know... Since I life here and go to university I don't have that many friends. I mean I have but there not this kind of people I can talk to. Sometimes I just feel awful and Shane... He always knows what to say. He knows me better than I do sometimes and he's just always there. Even if I would be in the USA with you guys which would be truly amazing I couldn't talk to you like I can talk to Shane. You all really became my friends. Especially you Freddie. I never opened up to someone as fast as I did to you but... I don't know it's... "I suddenly couldn't talk anymore. I just sat there and looked out of the window and a tear ran down my cheek. I didn't even know why I was crying or what I actually should say now. Of course I wanted to tour with Queen and Mary but I needed Shane. Over the last weeks I didn't feel very well at all and Shane was the only one who knew so and was cheering me up the whole time. That was actually why he was still here and why the others didn't know that I felt like a piece of shit. Because he made me feel better every time and I could just be myself. I'd lost a lot of weight the last days and nearly didn't leave the house. If I did I just did for going to get me some food or to go to the University and come back. I was done with University in a few months and Shane had promised me to stay till I was done. We had planned that I could move together with him in Ireland than. I was so deep in my thoughts that I startled a little when I felt that Freddie had laid his arm around my shoulders.
"Don't cry Darling. I was joking. Shane can come along with you if you want to. You both can go on tour with us. Mary and you and Shane can all have a great day when we're getting ready to perform and later join our concert. I'm sorry. I don't wanted to make you cry. "he said quietly and hugged me.
" You didn't. I just don't know why I was crying Freddie... "I said and another tear ran down my eyes. Freddie smiled a little and gave me a handkerchief. I washed of my tears and looked at Freddie with a smile. Then I hugged him too.
" I know how it feels like to suddenly feel like falling apart. Like not being enough even if no one ever told you so." he said and gave me a warm smile. "Talk to me about everything if you want to darling. I promise that I won't tell anyone." he said and I started to tell him that I felt empty. And it felt amazing to talk to someone else (besides Shane) about it.

The big day came very quick and we all (Mary, Freddie, Shane and I) woke up very early.
We had a quick breakfast and then made our way to Heathrow.
At Heathrow Brian and John were waiting already. Just Roger wasn't there. After a while Brian decided that we should wait inside and John went to a payphone to call Roger and ask when he would arrive.
After John came back and told us that Roger didn't answer the phone Freddie started to get a bit angry.
"We exactly made clear that we have to be here at 12. It's now 12:45 already. If he wants to take an extra flight and pay for it. Fine but I'm going to get the direct flight!" Freddie said and sat down next to Shane and started to talk about anything with him. John just stood around nervously and Brian, Mary and I bought some Coffee for the 6 of us.
When we came back Roger still wasn't there." OK I've had enough now."Freddie said with a high pitched voice and stood up. If you guys want to wait, wait but I'm not going to let this plane take off without me on board." he said and walked away. Of course we followed him and when we stood at the security line we saw a worried looking Roger running around."ROG YOU IDIOT. WE'RE HERE!" Freddie shouted and a few people turned around. Roger who now had reached us with a relieved smile on his face spotted Shane next to me and a angry look appeared on his face directly. "Oh so he's coming with us yeah?" he asked. "Yes of course he is. But why are you this late?" Freddie asked but Roger didn't seem to care about that. "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Lilly." he said and gave me a pissed face.
I couldn't tell why but his face made me feel like someone had stinged a knife in my heart. I didn't answer and turned away. I wasn't listening anymore. I just wanted to get in this fucking plane, let the boys do those concerts and finally fly home again. I already missed home even if we were still in London and I fucking hated Roger right now. Sure. Maybe he liked me a bit more than just as a friend but I didn't like him that way and even if I was having Shane with me no one had allowed him to talk to me like he just did and if he always used to talk to women like this I don't even wanted to be friends with him.

When we finally were on the plane I sat down next to Brian and John. Shane and Mary sat next to each other on the left side of the plane and Freddie and Roger sat on the right. I sat on the left site and near the toilet. I hated it to fly and I was alway getting a bit sick while I was on a plane.
When the plane took off the ground I just stared in front of me. I felt nothing. For a moment I just decided to close my eyes.

When I woke up again I looked into Freddies face. "Good Morning Princess!" he said and gave me a plastic spoon. In front of me stood a small bowl with something which was looking like porridge with bananas. I didn't know what it was and I don't even wanted to try it. "If you are wondering why I'm sitting next to you now. We all decided to change the places. We've got a long fly and we don't want to sit on the same place the whole time right." He laughed and gave me a warm smile. "Lilly are you all right?" Mary suddenly asked next to me. And at that moment I jumped up and ran to the Toilet. I shutted the door behind me and started to throw up. I did this for a while and then sank down on the floor while I cried. "What's wrong with me?" I whispered to myself and tried to wipe my tears away but I only had to cry more now.

After a half an hour had passed and I had to throw up a little more Shane knocked on the door.
"Lilly it's Shane. Are you okay?" he said quietly and I opened the door. I guess I was looking like a mess but Shane just gave me a big long hug.
After letting go of that hug I asked Shane if he could go back to the others and told him that I would come to them later.
He nodded gave me another hug and went back to his seat.
I looked in the mirror and started to wash my face. Then I took a sip of water and spit it in the washbasin again. My mouth didn't smell like vomit any more and my face looked a bit better but still very awful.
After I washed it a little more and dried it with a paper towel I went back to the others.

Mary and Shane were the first ones that came to me and asked me if everything was alright. I nodded slowly and closed my eyes for a second. "I just hate to fly you know... It makes me sick." I said and gave both a little smile so they hopefully would focus on their things again. Luckily they did. I really appreciated it how nice they were and how much they cared about me but right now I just wanted to be by myself. Not in a plane somewhere over the sea. Not in a plane where most of my friends were but dosens of people which I didn't know and I couldn't talk to. I just wanted to be at my home in my bed under a big blanket with a nice pot of tea and my old love movies. Sometimes I just needed this. I wouldn't care if I would cry then or feel awful because I was at home. But I wasn't. I was in a plane. In a plane with my friends and many strangers. I was somewhere up in the sky over the sea. I wasn't home. And I would be in the USA for the next months...
I decided to make the best of it and started to dream of how beautiful America would be.