Blind date (n.s)

10

*
The one that made me become a runaway

I was so in love with Luke Goddard. But I wasn't the only one in love with him. All the girls at school fancied him, and he knew it.

I knew I'd be the last one he'd look at. It didn't stop me dreaming, though. I daydreamed about it so often that I was so shocked the day he asked me out I had to pinch myself hard.

"Me?" I'd asked him, looking over my shoulder for someone else.

"Yeah", he said smiling at me. "You're really pretty. Meet me down the park after school. We'll go for a walk. But don't tell anyone yet, ok? Let's keep it to ourselves for now."

And I didn't tell anyone I was meeting Luke, not even Louis.

Looking back I think I must have seen too many of those cliche movies, the ones where the plain Emily always ends up with the dishy guy at the disco. I kidded myself that happy endings like that happened in real life, too.

When I got to the park and saw that he was sitting on the swings waiting for me, I remember feeling scared by how happy I felt.

"All right?" He said.

"Yeah", I said.

He stood up.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" He asked.

It wasn't how it went in my movies, but it was still the most exciting thing anybody had ever said to me.

"O-ok" , I said.

"Come on, then", he said.

He took my hand and led me towards the back of the park where there was a little bit of woodland. When we got there I saw that he'd laid out a blanket on top of the dried leaves. I just looked at it.

"What's that for?" I said, suddenly feeling a slight panic grow in me.

"Come on", he said. And he kissed me.

Luke was a good kisser. I'd never been kissed before and I didn't know what it would be like. But the way he kissed me was wrong. Much too yearning.

But my naive, young me was much too overwhelmed and excited to break the kiss or tell Luke off. I should have done it, but I didn't.

"I've always liked you", Luke said, resting the palm of his hand on my chest.

I felt warm shivers going through my body.

"Lay down", Luke said and pushed me onto the blanket. I was like in a trance. Somehow I didn't realise that the way he pushed things further was wrong.

He unbuttoned my shirt and when I took it off the look on his face made me feel beautiful. Then his fingers ran down my pale skin until they reached my trousers. He slipped one hand beneath my briefs and started to undo my zipper.

And I was so happy. My head shut out all the negative thoughts that told me the things he was doing to me were wrong. I was so happy that he was touching me this way and that it was only him and I on this blanket in this park that I didn't notice that his gentle, tender touch turned into reckless, harsh grabs.

Everything went really fast, so today I only remember an aching pain that brought me from my trance back to reality as he thrusted his length into my virgin body.

At first it was quite nice. I mean, I've never had sex before but the first seconds my pure excitement and happiness obfuscated the whole situation. But after some more thrusts I began to be hurt.

I told him to stop, but he didn't. I also tried to push him off me but my weak arms couldn't affect Luke's muscular body.

After some time he finally stopped by himself and pulled out. I looked at him with tears forming in my eyes. He wasn't the nice, gentle boy I thought he was. He was an ruthless animal that just wanted to fuck someone.

As fast as I possibly could, I put my clothes back on and ran away. Away from Luke, away from this blanket, away from the park. But I couldn't run away from the memory.

I think he shouted after me. But I wasn't sure what his words were exactly.

I lay awake all night feeling like I was trapped in the biggest nightmare. When I finally managed to shut my eyes and drifted off to a dreamless sleep, I hoped that I would wake up the next day and everything would be completely fine.

But the next day the fact that I'd slept with Luke Goddard was all around the school.

"Luke says you fuck for a pound", Matthew said. "I've got fifty pence- will you do me a blow job?"

"Shut up", I muttered.

I wanted to go to the classroom but Andy put a leg to me. I tripped and fell down, my books, pencils and magazines were scattered all around the hallway. Some girls giggled and pointed at me.

"Oh my god!", Samantha screeched and held up her phone. "Is that you? You were crying like a baby whilst being screwed by Luke Goddard?"

The picture on her phone showed my face. Tears streaming down my cheeks and a hurting, desperate look was plastered on my face.

The people surrounding me began to laugh and handed the picture from one to the other.

At that point I didn't care about my things on the floor, nor about the things my parents and the teachers would say if I didn't turn up to the next lesson.

I just ran. I swore that I would never go back to this school.

And I really never did.

*

I stopped outside the bar. Despite the cold air my face felt hot. I stood for a moment beside the door that led into the pub.
'Deep breaths, no panicking, you're twenty eight, don't be a baby!' I advised myself.

Then I walked into the bar.

The first person I saw was Harry standing behind the bar chatting to the women he was serving. Smiling and joking with her exactly the way he did with me.

"And a vodka orange for you, of course", he said to her with a wink. He looked up and saw me.

"Hi Niall", he called. But before I could reply I felt an arm slip through mine.

"Hi!" Julia looked excited. She pulled me away from the pub door to the quiet end.

Lou and Shawn were standing there. When they saw me they smiled.

Lou pushed the jacket of my shoulders and twirled me around. As I turned I saw Harry, clipping the lids of bottles of Bud before settling them in a line on the bar.

Harry was working.

My heart skipped a beat and it took a second for my brain to catch up with my sinking heart.

I wasn't meeting Harry.

Thank you for everything