Blind date (n.s)

18

Janet paced around the room, her hands folded on her back. She always did that when she was in deep thinking and had to concentrate.

I called her over this evening. Alice was at a birthday sleepover party so there were just the two of us here. I was glad about that. Alice wouldn't understand what Janet and I were talking about and she gets frustated as soon as none explains to her what exactly is going on.

"You have to tell Louis" Janet stopped in the middle of the room. "He's going to be a father and he's your best friend. He has every right to know about Els pregnancy. "

"But this is not my secret to tell", I gave her to remember. "She has to go and tell him."

"But she won't?"

"No" I sighed. "Well, at least it doesn't look like it."

Janet threw her hands up in frustration. "She has to though. Why did she even tell you?"

"I guess she wanted to tell somebody", I figured. "I mean until a few days ago she wanted to abort it."

"Well, but she didn't."

"No"

Janet sank down on the couch next to me. "That's unfair. Actually it's not even your problem to worry about. But since she told you, and only you, it is now."

"I promised not tell anybody." I said. "I won't break that promise."

"No, that'd be disrespectful and awfully bad. You gotta persude her to tell him"

"That's not as easy as it sounds", I sighed.

It's not like I haven't already tried to get her to talk to Louis. But everytime I called her and tried to discuss the topic she would hang up on me or just simply start talking about something as stupid as the new vogue cover. The problem is that I can understand both sides, Louis' and Eleanors. Louis has the right to know about the fact that he will be a father in a few months. Eleanor has to tell him. On the other handside Eleanors position reminded me too much of my own. When I first found out that I was going to have a baby I did not want to tell anyone. I was planning on telling absolutly no one about my pregnancy. It was stupid of me to think I could hide it, but the thought of telling anyone scared the hell out of me. So I understood Eleanor and I understood why she didn't want to tell Louis. But the longer she did not tell him the harder it would be to do anytime in the future. She would have to tell him at some point.

It was probably selfish of me to even pressure Eleanor into telling him. Yes, I did want Louis to know because it was just unfair that he hadn't been told. But I also wanted to take adventage of it myself. I wanted to have this pressure off of my shoulders. It was terrible to be standing between the fronts. It felt wrong and I just wanted to escape this fucked up situation.

Janet looked at me very firmly. "Niall, you have to start to stand up for yourself. You can not keep on going like this. You can not always play mister nice guy. You sometimes have to bite. This is not your fucking problem!"

"I can not make her tell him and I can not tell him myself either, Janet", I told her angrily. "I've been in this situation. I know what she is going through. You do not!"

"That was amazing, Niall", Janet looked at me and for a moment I didn't know if she actually meant it or said it in a sarcastic way. "That was really good. You just snapped at me. You never snap. Now go and snap at Eleanor."

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I had no words. I wanted to tell her off but I realised that she was right. I was right too. I was alwys nice, always. Well, apart of the last week. I wasn't really nice last week. I was too nice. The one thing I have been doing wrong all my life that will bring me down and break me in the end was my friendliness. I had to go and fight for myself sometimes. I couldn't keep on putting myself doen only to help fulfil disires of other people.

Janet laughed. "Something just clicked in your brain. I can see it. Go out there and stand your ground."

I nodded slowly, taking her words in. "I have to think about some things right now, I guess."

"I will leave you to it then", she smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Goodbye, little one."

"You can stay... I mean you don't have to go. It feels like I'm kicking you out right now."

"No, I have to go. Guess what you are not the only one who is dating people. I'm already late, actually."

My eyes widned. "You're going out with a man?"

"No, I'm going out with a potato", she laughed, shaking her head. "Love you, Nini. Goodnight."

"Love you. Have a good time."

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I sang along to some very old song on the radio as I drove to work. I liked the song. I didn't know the title or the artist and I didn't understand about what the singer was singing. Never the less I knew all the lines and the complete lyrics.

The whole weekend had been amazing. Janet was right, something in my brain clicked. I understood someting, I did not before. I felt happy, like I knew what I was doing. The world seemed to start turning again. I did not only get the things Janet was saying. I also understood what Louis told me last Friday. Luke got what he deserved, I gave him what he deserved. I could finally move on. It felt all so relieving, so good, just so damn good.

I felt good in my own skin. I might not be the most attractive human walking the earth, I would never look like one of those models in Alices magazines. I was not perfect and I had my scars. My life hasn't always been the best and I've been through some shit. But this is in the past. I get to turn the page now. I want to start a new chapter. I am ready for life , for a good life. Because I deserve something good, not because I'm the most amazing person ever, simply because I just do.

"Hey guys!", I cheered as I walked towards the lockers.

"Someone seems happy", Julia noticed and raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

"Nothing", I smiled. "I just got clear about some things."

"Aha", Louis furrowed his brows. "Good for you."

"Niall, I know you don't like working at the till too much. But Maddy and Sarah are ill today and there's no one else-"

"It's okay. I can manage"

Julia looked at me like I just told her that I no longer identify myself as a human but instaed as a zombie. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutly.", I smiled even brighter.

I wouldn't be brought down by something like a till anymore. It was ridiculous to be afraid of scanning groceries. I can do this. I will do this and I will do good because I am good enough.

Thank you

Who else is absolutly in love with Nialls new album?

Please stay safe and healthy. Lots of love.