Blind date (n.s)

21

"I thought we were friends... you are a fucking selfish, deluded, treacherous asshole!"

I took a step back. My thoughts were racing in my head. I had seen it coming. Well, at least in some kind of way. I expected him to be angry with me, but I was way too naive to think he would be furious. He was extremely furious right now.

"Okay", I let out a shaky breath. "Let's go outside, right? We can talk about this outside."

Louis did not move. He just stared at me with those bloodshot red eyes like a psychopath. A smile creeped on his face and played dangerously around his lips. His evil smile crawled under my skin and in my bones. Like in those horror movies I basically waited for him to lunge at me and strangle me. There was nothing but pure hate and spitefulness in his look. Minutes seemed to pass and none of us spoke a word. I did not dare to say anything.

"You did know right? You fucking did?", he whispered and for a second I meant to hear a great deal of pain in his voice and a flash of sadness crossing his eyes. Then the next second it all turned cold again and I wondered if I had only imagined it. "I know you did."

"Yeah... I did", I tried hard to avoid his gaze. "If you already know it why do you still ask, Lou?"

"Because I wanted to give you one last chance to deny it", he said, narrowing me with his eyes. "I did not want to believe it."

"Look, I'm sorry. I should have told you about the pregnancy but I promised El not to tell anyone. I could not break this promise. I tried to persuade her so often to tell you but she would never do it. I'm sorry you feel like I've betraied you. I-"

Louis began to laugh. At first it was a nearly completly silent laughter, then it got louder and louder. But it wasn't a nice laughter, nor a happy one. It sounded hurt and upset and also a little like the laugh villans in disney movies make when they're planning on how to get rid of the prrinces and princesses.

I felt confused and stupid. Something told me that I did not know it. At least not all of it.

My best friend made a step towards me and another and another until he was right in front of me. I could see every speckle in his eyes and I could see myself just like in a mirror in his deep black pupils. The alcohol under his breath was so strong that I thought I might get drunk only because smelling the biting  scent. Maybe it would have been better if I just had taken a step back but I didn't want to. There was no way I'd let my trepidation show. Louis should not get the feeling he could scare me just by being so terribly close to me.

"Oh little Niall", he whispered sweetly. Way too sweetly. It was that kind of sweet that makes you stifle and choke and puke because it is so wrong. "Damn don't be such an idiot, love."

I exhaled heavily. It felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I did not know it all. And I was not sure if I wanted to know it all.

"She was on her way to her flat. To our flat. She was in her car and she drove from her mothers' back home. She came back home and then...", Louis voice wobbled. "If you had told me fucking shit then it wouldn't be dead, okay? I killed my fucking child and that is your damn fault!"

A tear rolled down Louis cheek. He wiped it away and did the same to next one that fell from his eyes. After some more tears he finally gave up on preventing them from falling.

"What?", I croaked out.

It was hard for me take those words in. A part of me didn't want to believe that Louis was telling me the truth. I waited for him to break out in laughter and say he was just kidding or something like that. I wanted him to be joking or I wanted to wake up from a nightmare or have someone telling me that I was the victim of some hidden camera show. However none of this would be happening becaus this was real life. This was real. Louis was telling the truth and he wouldn't hug me any second and laugh about the dump face I had made when he told me his story. I was not part of a stupid tv show and I would not wake up.

Louis took a step back from me. His face was strained with tears and more of them were rushing down his cheeks like waterfalls.

"If you had told me I would have never pushed her. Never!", he cried.

I just stood there completly frozen. Like someone had pressed the stop button and put me on hold. Louis lips moved again, he was talking to me. But I did not get a single word. I saw his lips moving but I could not hear the things he was saying. I did not even notice that Julia had rushed towards us and that Zayn held my arm.

The only thing I had wanted to do today was talk to Harry. I came here to talk to him. Because I wanted to overcome my fears and because I wanted to take a step into my bright future. I wanted to do things right and finally, finally be the person I craved to become. I wanted to get my shit together and live. But my fucking bitch of a fate did not seem to be quite finished with me just yet. 

Louis had begun to scream now. He tried to fight Shawn who did absolutly everything he could to hold him back from what seemed like murdering me right here and right now. Camill appeard beside me, taking Zayns spot so he could go and help Shawn to drag Louis outside the bar.

We sure were already damn famous in here. Me throwing my drink in my "dates" face and having Harry come to rescue me and now Louis going mental. Everyone was staring and it was more quiet than at a graveyard- aside from Louis shouting, screaming and crying. The people had stopped chatting and even the girls in front of the counter had interrupted their flirtation with Harry and that other brunette guy.

I felt my anxiety rising up. I stumbled a few steps back and I would have probably fallen down on the floor if Camilla hadn't been there, preventing my ass from kissing the floor.

I was the reason why Eleanor lost her child. Why Louis had killed his baby. I should not have kept my promise, I should have listened to my gut. I should have told him... I should have- I could have... My fault, all was my fault.

"Niall?", Camilla spoke softly. "Let's go to the restrooms, alright?"

My lips were too dry, my throat was burning as if I had screamed and yelled for two hours straight and I felt my heart aching. It was beating too slow, too heavy and it felt like it would break apart into millions of sharp pieces of glass that would cut me from the inside.

It was my fault. Everything.

Camilla guided me to the back of the KIWI, still holding my arm. When we stood in front of the men toilets she tried to push open the door and gently pull me through it.

"No", I told her and stopped in front of the door. "I- I don't want to go in there."

"Huh?", Camilla looked at me with deep concern in her eyes. "Should I take you home instead? Or  we could sit outside in the smoking area?"

Shawn had a good taste, that was for sure. Camilla did not even really know me. Right we had have lunch together a few times but we hadn't ever spoken much. Yet, here she was, trying to care for me and to help me.

The tiles and the smell of the cleaning product of the restrooms reminded me of the night with Luke. I did not want to be in there again. There was no way I would always hide inside of the restrooms as soon as there were problems for me to face. That's not the way one should handle complications. Hiding away and closing my eyes, what I coward I was.

"No, I want to talk to Louis"

Camilla raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "I don't exactly think that's a good idea, Niall."

"Hiding at home or in a toilet is not a good idea either", I counterd.

I was sick and tired of being like that. I finally understood why Louis thought meeting Luke was a good idea. I had to hold my head up high and I had to get past my past. No more hiding away. I would not lose Louis and I would not lock up myself in my flat. I would go and figure things out because I could damn well do that. I was nor helpless, broken or anxious anymore. If fate wanted to beat me than I had the right to fucking beat back just as hard- or maybe even harder.