RED LIPSTICK [l.zvahl]

chapter thirteen

It's times like these that I wish that I could pick and choose when I could wake up. Sometimes I wish that I could choose what I wake up to. Or sometimes, I wish that I wouldn't have to wake up at all.

But sometimes you don't always get what you want in life. Do you?

I never asked for any of this to ever happen. Did I? I never asked for my parents divorce. I never asked to not be able to see my father anymore after the very last court case. I never asked for my mother to be the way she is. I never asked to fall for a boy who already fell for somebody else. I never asked for any of this. But yet, it's here. It's happened and continues to happen as time goes by.

It feels like someone keeps throwing rocks at me like I'm water. The rocks keep skipping against the surface. How long until the rock sinks? The rock weighs more than the water so why is it still on top? Why is all the pain and misery on top? Why can't I win?

I wish I could go back to the night when the red lipstick tube fell out of her pocket. I wish I never would've gotten out of the house that night. I wish that I would've stayed inside the house and listened to the screaming between my mother and my brother.

Screaming.

That's all that ever happens, isn't it? Fights. Nasty words that you can't take back. You're stuck in the middle of a heated moment, and you pretend that there isn't a thing called a filter. You ignore it and let everything play out. You make mistakes, and some mistakes you can't fix.

Then comes the guilt.

You begin to blame yourself for your parents mistakes. You begin to tell yourself that you could've tried harder to be the glue that makes everything stay together. To be the mask that makes everything appear to be a-okay. And when it fails to happen, guilt comes around with what could've been. You know the truth. You know it isn't your fault, but you can't help but deny it.

Red lipstick.

It's like a reminder of mistakes. I could've stayed inside the house that night, but I didn't. I could've looked away when they came my way, but I didn't. I could've left the lipstick down on the road, but I didn't. I could've avoided them, but I didn't. I could've avoided Chloe, but I didn't. They both had red lipstick on, and I fell to my knees. But it's weird, they're both two different people. They both bring harm to me if they tried to or not.

Y/N, wake up.

Y/N you've been asleep for too long.

Y/N, wake up!

Y/N!

"Wake up!" My eyes shoot open. Heavy breathing and sweat consumes my body and I feel as though I'm in somebody's arms. Safe arms. I feel safe. Baby blue eyes stare down at me in concern. "Are you okay?"

I watch as Laurance gets punched, and he winces. It wasn't even a hard punch, but I somehow managed to fail to see people I nearly couldn't recognize in front of me.

"Of course she's not okay you idiot," Katelyn scoffs, returning her hand to place up against her swollen cheek. "She's just lucky she hasn't been touched yet."

I look around. It's a horrid sight. They're a mess. They're disgusting, but I'm okay. I'm clean.

"What happened?" I question, my mind going blurry. I try to think, but my head begins to pound in pain. That's when it clicks to me. We were under the bleachers. It was between classes. We were going to be late, but we didn't care. It was hell. He was confessing to me what was happening, and he-these men. . . "Vylad! Where is he?" I grow frantic when I look around. I'm not able to find it, and it makes me want to cry. That's until I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I look up. Bruised baby blue eyes stare down at me. They look hurt, or broken, and they quickly break away to look to the back of a girl. Not just any girl. "Alex. . ."