coffee stains. | ijb & ksg.

three.

the last thing he said to her was forget everything. and she did.

the last time he saw her, he hurt her, wounded her, did onto her what was done to him; he left her, disappeared, vanished and now she sat on her bed, present but vacant.

at least the pain wasn't there.

he lit up a cigarette, the hiss of his lighter catching her attention.

"you can't smoke—" but she couldn't finish her statement as jaebum threw the marlboro stick into hospital coffee, gulping it down. "... here."

his eyes lifted, looking at her but through her all at once. this was seulgi, bandaged and wounded because a stupid drunk driver decided the pavement for pedestrians made a mighty fine road when rush hour traffic was bottlenecked and dense. anger pulsed. a momentary lapse, and all jaebum saw was red. stereotypical but cliches started somewhere. he set the coffee aside, slotting his palms together as he thought of what to say, how to proceed, what the fuck to do from here.

"i'm sorry," seulgi said to him. stunned, he blinked and adjusted his focus on her face. she was tearing up, the tip of her nose ruddy to go along with her cheeks. "i'm sorry i can't remember you yet. the doctors said i'll get my memories back soon, but they can't rush it."

he shook his head, a bitter, lifeless sound in the shape of a laugh tumbled from dry, thin lips. he tasted the acid of caffeine and tobacco dry on his tongue, went to open and close his mouth several times but it lingered as a reminder things don't come and go so easily. especially when he brought it upon himself.

leaning back on the chair, he shrugged weighted, shrunken in shoulders. "i'm not worth remembering, anyway." she wasn't missing out.

seulgi, flabbergasted, cinched her eyebrows above the bridge of her nose. "but you must be my friend if you came to visit me. are we not friends?" she stammered ever so slightly, lower lip trembling.

realizing he was observing far too long, absorbing all her confusion, jaebum fixed his sights outside the shitty view of a parking garage. "we're not friends." because he fucked up when he fucked her.

"oh." her face fell, hand clenching the blanket over her lap. "then why did you visit me?"

the question burned in his mind, the fire all-consuming, searing hot. his fingers tapped on the arm of the chair, creating an incessant beat to go with the ticking of the wall clock and the whirr of hospital machinery. off the corner of his eye, he spotted his coffee, soiled by a cigarette and its ashes.

he grasped it with a lithe hold, studying the rounded edge. "because you were that barista that wrote stupid shit on my orders." everyone's orders, but he liked to think he was special.

she winced at the roughness of his words but said nothing. she watched him quietly as he strode towards the foot of her bed where the nurses and doctors kept her file pinned. there was a pen dangling from a coiled cord, and he easily snatched it up to script something on the facet of the paper cup. coffee sloshed from the mouth, getting on his hand and one of his shoe. he snarled, finishing his statement with a strong punctuation that almost punctured a hole. then he rested the cup on her tray.

"mirror, mirror on the wall was i always meant to fall? roses white and dying light, silver's sweet forgiving bite. she'll ask 'why' no answers found, and i'll rot deep beneath the ground," she read, breath hitching to break apart the fluidity of the poem. her eyes rose to his, hers wet with unshed tears. "are you leaving?"

he didn't answer. just looked away at the coffee stains on his shoes and on the hospital bedding.

"will i see you again?"