"Jah, your phone was ringing a lot while you were in the shower. I didn't know if it was work so I didn't answer." I tell him. His phone woke me up but I'm late anyway.
"Oh okay. Thank you." He groggily walked back in the restroom and brushed his teeth. I finally got up and did the same before getting dressed.
"You okay?" I asked. He looks worried.
"Yeah, it's nothing." His phone rang again.
"Whassup, bean body ass nigga?" He answered the phone still sounding asleep.
I could hear someone yelling or crying over the phone.
"Wait what?" He asked, chuckling slightly.
"Nah, man. Khaed texted me last night.... Nah, imma call that nigga right now, he good!" Jah's eyes squinted even more, looking at the ground.
"If y'all playin too much, that's y'all nigga's asses. I'm not playin." He hung up the phone. He had a small smile on his face. It was scary because it didn't meet his eyes. Next thing I knew, his phone was in pieces across the room.
"Jahseh, you're scaring me." I stepped back a bit.
"Go to my mama house. Take Zah with you and don't come back until I tell you, please." He left without even looking back. What the fuck is wrong with him?
I don't know what he thought but I'm not leaving his side. I looked everywhere for my phone until I found it on his desk next to his laptop. I dialed Cleo.
"He-"
"Come pick up Zah, please? Jahseh lost his shit."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"Hurry. I'll explain later." I hang up and go across the hall to Zahir's room. I get him dressed in a hurry while he slept.
"This nigga lost his mind." I mumble to myself. I put my hair in a high ponytail and put my glasses on. I ran out of contacts and I'm not buying more for a while.
I put our son in his carseat and set him in the living room. Since he was still asleep, I tried to find Jah. I eventually found him sitting on the back stairs, staring into space.
"Seh seh?" He turned his head to look at me but his eyes didn't move. He wasn't looking at me. "Jah, talk to me. Zah is leaving but I'm not. I can't leave you alone. I can't leave you."
His eyes finally met mine and he aggressively grabs my arm, pulling me into him. He started sobbing. I've never seen him cry this hard.
"He's gone, Azzy! H-He's dead." He was wheezing and breathing hard.
"Wait wait, shhh. Calm down." I rubbed his head. "Who's dead, Jah?" I furrowed my eyebrows.
"KHAED! HE'S GONE! I JUST INVITED HIM O-OVER." He hiccuped. I heard the front door open, knowing it was Cleo. We've been locking the door more recently and she's the only one with a key that we're expecting.
"I'm not leaving you, okay? You know he's only gone physically. Talk to him. He can hear you, Jah. C'mon, try it." I rubbed his back.
"If you ask him, he'll make his way to you and you can tell him anything you want. I'll give you some time alone, alright? Just remember his energy has no boundaries now. He's everywhere." I kiss his head. He nods with tears still falling.
It's always something. He can never catch a break. I quickly greet Cleo at the door.
"Mama.."
"I heard the noice, baby. I'll keep him as long as you want. Just take care of each other, please?" She rubbed her hand over my head. I nod and hug her before she quietly took the car seat and left out again.
I rushed back to where I left Jah. He wasn't there. "Jahseh? Jahseh!" I looked around every corner nearby before running to our bathroom. He was sitting in the tub while the water filled, still wearing basketball shorts. He held his other wrist with one hand, resting them on his kneecaps.
"Seh?" I wobbled over to where he sat. He turned his head to look at me, his eyes locked again.
I sigh and begin to take my clothes off. I ripped his hands away from each other and sat in front of him. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." I shrugged.
"I know," his voice was soft and quiet. He brushed his lips across my face and down my neck. "I love you more than I thought I would. More than I was supposed to."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "What is that supposed to me-AAAHHHHH!" I winced hard and held my stomach in pain.
"Shit, are you okay?" He quickly stood up. All the wind was knocked out of me. I could barely breathe. Jah started to feel around my stomach before he left the bathroom.
"Bitch nigga , come bACK!"
"I'm here, I'm here." He came back with four towels.
"What's that?" My pain was slightly subsiding.
"I think your water broke in the tub and you're in labor. I should get ready just in case." Get who now?
"But I'm not due-"
"Twins don't usually come on time."
"But- what about the- the-the hospital? Epidurals? Meds? Hospital? Epidurals? How will we know if something is wrong?" I tried to stand up. I can not have a home birth.
"Woah, sit down. We have no choice. If we start driving now, you'll have a Mercedes birth. Waiting for an ambulance won't do much either. Your midwife is on the way. Please. Relax. I'm right here." I sat still, not processing anything he was telling me.
"Already?" I started tearing up. "I can't."
"You've done it before. You can do it two more times. I know you can." He kissed my forehead. "I've been studying. I think I can help with everything." He smiles at me. For some reason, I had a full sensation of relief. I wasn't scared.
"Okay. I trust yo- AAAIIIIISSSHHHH!" I whined loudly.
"Here take this." He helped me swallow a small pill.
"Jahseh?" He held my hand tightly.
"Yes, my love?"
"I hope I can make you hopeful and bring you more happiness. Please take care of me." I tried to smile.
Then he put his fingers in my pussy.
"Shut that shit up. We're way passed all that. Now I think it's almost time to push. Two and Three. You ready?" He removed his hand sat behind me. I shook my head.
"Azariah." He reached for the towels. He folded a small rag and gestured me to bite down on it. "Imma need you to start pushing." He swung a towel around his shoulders.
"I can't Seh Seh!" I started to cry again. It's hurting so much. He grabbed my jaw forcefully.
"Close your eyes. Think about me and you. Visualize the moment right after you give birth. And push. You are ready, you've been ready. Your body has been getting ready the past 7 months. I need you to let yourself know you're ready."
He positioned me correctly. I took a deep breath. "Push, hard. One, two, three."
I pushed with everything in me, not having enough energy to scream.
"Okay Stop.... That was good. Again, Two, Three."
"Jahseh I love you." I told him through the muffling from the rag.
"You know I love you too." He quickly kisses my cheek.
"Push."
