inevitable

nine

sanctuary.

that word was what you were to me.

a safe place.

a haven.

and now i discovered you were a prison all along.

i miss you, terribly.

i miss you so much it feels like someone carved my heart out.

but now i feel free.

somehow.

—

the sickly sweet smell of the perfume i doused over everything i own washes over me.

it grounds me.

it reminds me that this is my reality.

and you are not a part of it.

—

are you?

—

i still question it.

why did you leave?

why did you lose your love for me?

what did i do wrong?

why are you everywhere?

why can't i let you go?

what brings us together in the first place?

—

can we start over?

—

i glanced at the alarm.

02:37 AM.

i should sleep. i know that. but you—
it is always you—haunt me even when i want to let go.

so i reach for my phone and hit shuffle on spotify.

billie eilish's six feet under played.

help, i lost myself again

but i remember you

don't come back, it won't end well

but i wish you'd tell me too

—

i was lost, and you found me.

you were my compass, my guide.

now i wish you'd tell me why you leave.

so i can let you go properly.

—

our love is six feet under