inevitable

fourteen

"miss—?"

it is a voice so familiar,

warm like that autumn day.

i look up,

and feel the porcelain shards

of a fractured heart,

twist.

cracked, but not broken.

--

then,

(a miracle.)

you muster a smile.

--

"have a nice day."

--

there is no

bitterness

in your words.

and something, something

gives way.

--

snap—

like strings of that melody

we used to play.

(a duet—

sustaining, stuttering

and coming to its end.)

--

our eyes meet.

and

then—

--

(forgiveness.)

--

we move on.

.
.
.

and that is enough.

--

eventually, winter fades.

and i sit alone, cinnamon in each sip, as i turn another page.

then, i look up, and am met with the sight of you.

with those warm, loving eyes

that glimmer in the sun.

.

.

.

(but it is not you, and it will never be.)

(not anymore.)

(and that's okay.)

--

"is this seat taken?"

the person speaks.

smiles with a radiance,

laughter in their eyes.

and i am drawn in.

slowly,

mystified.

--

like a moth to a flame.

(i am okay.)

--

eventually, it passes.

our time together fades away, down that fleeting river of time.

lost to those sleepless nights, now filled with laughter and smiles.

calls beneath moonlight skies, warmth under the covers as we trade our hopes and our secrets.

all those moments i seemed to crumble before, a hand now holds my shaky own, steadying me, supporting me.

slowly, winter shifts into spring.

and minuets,

they fade.

(i wonder if it's the same for you.)

--

what we once shared,

what we once loved,

they've become mine, and mine alone.

--

a powerful waltz,

and the beauty of spring.

a new song to call my own.

--

and like hyacinths and sweet peas,

i bask in the sun.

and i am loved.

i know that now.

--

"will you marry me?"

.
.
.

"yes."

--

and if one day, i were to ask for your blessings...

if one day, i hoped to see you by my side, no matter how much you'd hurt me before, no matter how much i'd hurt you, and i hoped to see you there, still beaming at me and wishing me all the best...

would you care enough to come, to see me off with that smile i used to love?

would it hurt to see me dressed in white, yet not by your side?

and would you forgive yourself, forgive me, just enough, to see me happy?

i wonder, indeed.

--

—L.