inevitable

thirteen

perhaps.

a word that gives me the tiniest sliver of hope when i've given up.

maybe, just maybe, one day i'll be able to let go.

not an

i
l
l
u
s
i
o
n

of letting go—not the kind with red strings still attached,

but the kind of letting go where i can be truly free.

the kind where my thoughts stop to smell the roses and relishes in its scent, and not in the fact that you remind me so much of roses.

perhaps—

just a perhaps,

i can start now.

—

i found my mistake.

letting go, it turns out, can't be done in one whole move.

it's done in tiny,

almost insignificant,

amounts.

—

today, i see an advertisement with your fake smile, the artificial one i hated so much.

snap!

one string down. one step closer to letting you go.

i stare up to your eyes.

and i look down to the wet asphalt reflecting the brilliance of the screen you're etched in.

i leave (a piece of you, the one you've given to me, behind).

—

right now, i stir someone's order absent-mindedly.

"miss ____?" i call, the name a blank on my mind.

i close the cap and hand it to the customer.

and i see

your eyes

the way it used to be

so vibrant

and alluring

and somehow, somehow, i smile instead of breaking into pieces.

"have a nice day."

i haven't spoken in eternities.

—

you're everywhere.

that's just the perks of dating someone famous, i say in my mind, but there is no bitterness in it.

living with you was

c
o
l
o
r
f
u
l
,

all the light, all the fun, all the vibrant ecstasies of love.

but when you left, you took all the color out,

and i was left with monochromity.

now?

i'm somewhere in-between.

i'm all the colors of the rainbow.

i'm black and white.

i'm grey.

i'm bright once more.

—

i know that i see you everywhere. i can't stop it, as much as i once have wanted to, because i could not bear giving up the whole world just for you. i would have given all of me. i have given all of me. and maybe i still would.

but the world?

oh, darling.

you used to be mine, and now i know just how priceless it is.

—

i've never realized how bright the world is.

colors swirl all around me, and nobody leaks it anymore— i can see everyone in all their vibrancy, and no one looks horribly dull...

like you.

even with all the glamor and drama in your life, i've never seen someone with less color than you.

maybe it was my fault because you gave it to me.

but i can't repaint you.

no matter how much i wanted to.

but i'm sorry. i mean this. i really do.

—

and maybe all i've ever truly wanted was the

t
h
r
i
l
l

of the

 c
    h
      a
         s
           e

but now

i forgive

& i remember.

what about you, long-lost friend? have you forgiven me?

would you ever forgive someone who has broken your heart?

i will. i have. what about you?

— k.