The Thief of Lost Time

Chapter 41: "Sue the Nursing Home"

Leslie is taken aback when she calls Dad the next morning. He begins the conversation as he usually does by asking what she's up to and how the kids are doing. She wonders if he's forgotten that when he left the hospital, Mom was dying. He goes on to list what chores he must do today. Did he forget, Leslie wonders, or is he unable to deal with her death?

"Dad," she interrupts, "Mom died last night."

Silence.

"Dad?"

"I'm here. What time?"

"Around ten-thirty. It was peaceful."

"That's the way it should be. I'm glad she didn't struggle at the end."

Leslie waits to see if he'll say anything more. Finally: "Mark and I want to come by today. We thought around noon. We'll take you out for lunch."

"Around noon?"

"Later if you'd like. We don't want to rush you."

"Noon's good."

"Are you all right for now?"

"I'm making breakfast. See you at noon."

Leslie calls me after Dad hangs up. She's confused and upset. "I don't know what I expected. I thought he might break down, but instead, he sounded numb."

"He's been living alone for years. Mom's death isn't real to him. It'd be different if Mom had still been living with him at the end."

"Except now he has nowhere to go in the afternoons. Wouldn't he have some emotion?"

"Maybe he's upset but doesn't want to show it. I never saw Dad cry about anything."

"Pick me up around eleven-thirty. If lunch goes well, we should stop at the funeral home."

I call work to tell them I'll be out for the rest of the week. Then I take a shower. Letting the hot water pummel my back, I think about what Leslie told me. It's natural she's shocked at Dad's apparent lack of emotion. She must be reliving her own husband's death twenty years ago...

***

Rachel and I were shocked when we heard about her husband's heart attack. Although serious, the operation was a success and his prognosis good if he followed his doctor's orders. Sean could be stubborn about following anyone's orders, but the seriousness of his condition put the fear of God in him. We all thought the crisis was over. Six months later Dad called to tell me that he'd had a second heart attack. I asked if he was still in surgery. "No, you don't understand. He's dead!"

I'll never forget that moment. Besides feeling heart-broken for my sister, I was thankful that Rachel hadn't been the one to die. I later told Rachel if she died before me, I'd never speak to her again.

***

After my shower, I sit on the edge of the bed. I'm dry-eyed but depressed. And afraid. Afraid of the future.

While making breakfast, I remember that while I'd never seen my father cry, I'd heard him crying in his bedroom with the door closed. When I arrived home from high school, Mom met me at the door and whispered, "Dad got a phone call with bad news." Mr. Crawford, best man at his wedding, the man who'd sold us our dog, had died while hunting. He was climbing over a stone wall when his shotgun discharged in his chest. He'd been hunting alone. Everyone searched for two days before they found him. I wondered how an experienced hunter could be so careless with his shotgun. Poor Dad! Always careful to hide any emotion, he'd come to tears by the death of his best friend.

***

Leslie waits for me in the apartment's parking lot. "I hope this goes well." She acts on edge like she's nervous about Dad's reaction. I knock once to alert him that we've arrived but before I can unlock the door, it opens. Dad is wearing his coat, with hat and gloves in his hand. He blocks the doorway as if not wanting to let us in. Is he afraid we'll become emotional remembering Mom in the apartment?