The Love That Was Never Aloud

Chapter 10 - lifeless

I was awoken by a loud thud at the door...

"Get out of there! You've been in there for ages?"

I then realised I was in the bath.

"Ok, one second"

Then I heard her walk off. I made my way out of the bath, it was cold but the air out of the bath was even colder. Shivering I pulled the plug and quickly threw my towel over me and rushed into my room slamming my door behind me. I curled my self on my bed. Looking down at my mirror on my wardrobe. I saw myself. I looked at my reflection. I thought...how have I become like this. A bruised up freak covered in scars. How did Nathan like 'this'

After time of deeply convincing myself I was a freak I made my way to my desk and plugged in my laptop and logged into Facebook. Probably shouldn't.

*Facebook statuses*

~have you seen that freak...urgh. She's such a worthless piece of shit! Go die!~

It had 36 likes.... And a load of comments. I read about five and just backed away from the laptop.my eyes started to fill up with tears. I held them back as best as I could but It wasn't much use...seconds later I ran over to my bed and reached under it until I felt the box under it. I pulled it out and lifted the top of. And sat silent looking at the things in the box. I then reached in and grabbed a hand full of tiny blades. Tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably. I put the top back on the box and pushed it back under my bed.

I got a pack of wipes and oped it to leave one ready. I'd never done anything like this. I was scared but how scary can it be?

I choose the sharpest one and put the rest aside. I scratched my arm to prepare myself. I held the blade with my best grip. And reached my arm out. I got closer with the blade. My heart was beating so fast. I pressed hard with the blade and scraped it across my skin. The blood bubble dripped of my arm. I did the same multiple times till my arm hurt to much to do it again. I was left with about ten bleeding cuts. I grabbed the wipe and quickly cleaned them. My arm shaking in shock. My hands went pale. I started feeling light headed. But I just shrugged it off, It wasn't anything important right now...

My heart started racing every time I looked at them, they gave me bad vibes...I had put to much pressure on the blade cause they never stopped bleeding. In utter shock I started being paranoid. I seen another blood tear fall of my arm and then I lunged up and ran into the bathroom. I ran cold water all over my arm, it cooled them down for a bit.

"How long you gonna be in there?"

My whole body started shaking.

"Your carer is here to see you?"

This was the worst moment she could of turned up....

"Okay mum one second I'll just get changed now"

I put toilet roll all over my cuts and pulled my sleeves down and cleaned up the sink then rushed past my mum into my room.. I sat against the door thinking on what I should do....I remembered when I had hurt my wrist when I was little they gave me this sock thingy but it went all up my arm. Perfect!

I picked up a pair of pants and top and stomped downstairs.

Hello Maddison? she smiled

Oh hi Amanda, I smiled back

She made me sit down in the living room away from my mum. I think it was so I didn't lie or something like that but she made it clear she didn't particularly like my mum neither did i.

'Ahh so....? How have you been it's been a while' she still smiled even though her job was to talk to mentally scared children who had experienced abuse.

'I've been fine, I've found an interest in music'

'Oh music, haha'

'Yeah, It helps me forget about all this'

'It does doesn't it'

'Yeah, I'm obsessed with black veil brides and my chemical romance'

'I've never heard of them, but they sound good'

To be honest I didn't expect her to know them, you see Amanda looked like she was in her mid thirties. But she was pretty, she had long golden blond hair which was curly. She wore a cute winged black eyeliner which I wish I could do and never went over the top with her mascara. She wore black most of the time, sometimes she would wear this white frilly top which looked pretty cool with black pants.

Amanda was always so nice to me which always confused me. I never thought that someone out there was going to be a nice person and be there for me. Recently I had fallen out with Kiera....I cried loads when we had that argument...she was saying how much I've changed and that I'm always with Nathan. Obviously your supposed to spend time with your boyfriend, but I must of spent too much time with him cause she started to fell left out.

But me and Nathan have been a bit weird too, I don't know what it is but I feel different around him.

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Hey! Sorry for the late update...hope you enjoyed chapter 10! I tried a lot in this one to make it a few pages long. You get introduced to Amanda in this one. Remember her

Byeeee remember to vote and comment! You can follow me if you like too :D ^.^