Trap House One Shots

I Can't Do This Anymore

*Brennen Taylor, very strong topics, no sex, vent writing*

"No, I won't let you push me away. I won't let you because I made a promise to not let you go and to love you forever. So we will talk this out and you won't hang up because damn it, I know we love each other and I can't lose you. I will listen and you know it." Brennen talked through the phone, "Brennen stop.." I whispered, "no! Damn it I love you so fucking much so please...let me take care of you.." he begged, "I'm sorry.." my voice broke as I took the phone away from my ear, "no-!" But I pressed the red end button.

I dropped my phone onto the counter and broke down crying. I was in pain. My chest was tight and I could barely breathe. My head spun every time I looked somewhere new which made me want to fall over. My eyelids were so heavy and my grip on the counter was loosening.

My phone kept ringing over and over again, the sound made my head throb and I wanted to scream.

I took my phone once more but my grip shook so much it was hard to read the messages.

Brennen: baby pick up.
Brennen: please
Brennen: we've been through this before.
Brennen: I didn't leave then, I won't leave now
Brennen: I know you baby, I'll listen through it
Brennen: let me help you please

More and more calls piled up on my phone. I couldn't take it anymore and turned my phone all the way off.

I put my phone down and held to the counter once more. My legs were so weak and felt like jelly. I couldn't stand anymore and the closest place was the bathtub.

I dropped to my knees and pretty much crawled to the tub. I pulled myself up with my arms shaking. My head was ringing with a piercing sound that gave me the worst headache.

I dropped down into the tub and lay there. Instantly my dizziness and pain grew larger as I looked around the bathroom. Everything was doubled and spinning. I closed my eyes and let the pain subside only slightly.

I sighed softly as I dropped my hands to my side. I couldn't stand being awake anymore, I just had to sleep. So I did. I let my tiredness take over.

I didn't hear Brennen's car door slam or the fact that he almost broke in my house from not being able to find the spare key. I didn't hear him screaming that I better be okay when he got in there or he didn't know what he'd do with himself.

I had no idea that he found the key and threw my door open. I didn't hear him sprint up the stairs screaming my name or him breaking out in tears when he found me.

I did feel the smallest pull of him pulling me out of the bathtub and laying me on my bed. I heard him going through my bathroom to make sure I hadn't taken too many pills or hurt my skin.

I did feel him gently pull my clothes off. I felt his fingers trace my skin ever so softly to make sure nothing had happened to my skin. I did feel him pull over one huge baggy shirt over my body and pull blankets over me.

That's all I felt before letting sleep take me again.

I don't know how many hours had passed by when my body decided to wake up. The first thing I saw was Brennen sitting next to me. He had his head in his hands and he was staring at my floor. I couldn't see his face and I frowned at that.

Then all the feelings rushed back to me and lump formed in my throat, "Brennen...?" I croaked, suddenly his head jerked up and his worried eyes lay on me.

Relief flooded his eyes as he took my hand and gave it multiple kisses, "Brennen.." I whispered, "it's okay, I promise it's okay," but I didn't believe him. My eyes teared up and a sob escaped me.

Brennen pulled me up into a hug, wrapping me in my blanket and rubbing my back. My face was in the crook of his neck and his arms draped around me. He rocked me side to side gently as I cried into him.

"It..it hurts," my voice broke many times, "I know baby, I know," he mumbled into my ear, his voice relaxed me till I slowed down my tears and was able to look up to him.

His eyes reflected love and worry and I knew I had gotten lucky with him.

Brennen pulled away and sat me up next to him.

"Tell me, please," he begged me.

I took a deep breath.

"I feel stuck. I don't need to over think so much, right? But I am, my chest hurts from all the stress and overthinking. I feel like I have this stick that's my life and people have tried to snap it in half so many times and I think the next time someone does, I won't be able to take it, and..and.."

I couldn't keep talking, Brennen rubbed my back, "I understand," Brennen took my chin and made me look at him, his touch was gentle, "I see you, I. See. You." Brennen's words confused and comforted me.

"What do you even see..." I managed to say, Brennen sighed, "I see," he wiped my tears and smiled at me gently, "a gorgeous, strong, kind, caring, completely amazing woman who I love," I laughed but it came out weak and broken.

"Baby you are, and I'll stay by your side forever, okay?" I nodded but before I could speak he kissed me.

It wasn't rough and it wasn't full of the want of sex, it was just love. And it filled me with happiness.

"Thank you Brennen, I'm sorry for all this," I kissed his neck before leaning onto him and closing my eyes, "never apologize, okay? I'm always here," his voice was soft but it was just the right tone to make me feel like the most loved girl in the world.