"Paris." I mutter staring at the screen. "The city of love. Well that's bullshit!" I yell taking another drink. "More like the city of broken hearts. Where girls like to rip your heart out because why the hell not!" I yell at the screen. "I mean what is the point of going to the city of love to propose to a girl that you have been with through so much just to have her rip your heart out? What is the point of that!"
"How long did it take for you to come up with that one?" Emma asks walking in with some decent food in her hand.
"I need more.." I tell her pointing at the bottle of southern comfort.
"That's the last thing you need." She laughs taking the bottle from my hand. She replaces it with a glass of water. She sets the food down in front of me. "Eat." She commands. I unwilling take the fork and start eating.
"You could have said please." I mutter taking a bite.
"Yea well you can say thank you for keeping your drunk ass alive." She exclaims sitting down next to me.
"My drunk ass is perfect." I exclaim giggling a little bit. "I want a milkshake. That way all the boys come to my yard." I say laughing at myself. Emma gives me the weirdest look. "What?" I ask her. "Maybe I will have a better chance with guys."
"Are we that desperate?" Lily asks walking in. She sits down on the other side of me. She takes some of the food and eats it.
"I want a milkshake!" I yell pointing the fork at Emma. She shakes her head and walks into the kitchen. I hear the blender going and smile with satisfaction. "What are you doing here?" I ask looking up at the doorway. Leven, who usually sides with Alex, is walking towards me. "Shouldn't you be running off with the heart breaking bitch?" I ask her.
"Logan." She sighs sitting down. "What Alex did wasn't cool and that's why I told you to wait to propose. She was going to tell you that night but then you proposed and everything got out of control." She explains. "I told her to tell you but she didn't want to ruin what was going on between you guys. I guess when you both pictured life without each other, it set her off." She says sobering me up rather quickly. I sit up and stare at her.
"Yea well at least I wasnt happy in my pictured life. When I was picturing that life, I kept thinking of Alex, the girl lying right next to me and how I wish it would have been her with me." I tell her. "All I have ever wanted since the first day we started dating, was to make her happy and get married to the girl of my dreams. Of every mans dream." I exclaim. "All I wanted was her." I say trying not to cry even though it is evident in my voice. "All I wanted was her." I say again. "And now I dont have her. What do I have now?" I ask them. "Nothing. I have nothing." I answer for them. "I have nothing because that girl that broke my heart. That girl that has put me through hell and back. That girl was my everything." I tell them. I fall back on to the couch feeling so defeated and lost. I truly have nothing without Alex. Leven looks over at Lily who doesnt know what to say. "You want to know the worst part?" I ask them. "I should hate her with everything I have left in me, but I cant. I dont hate her when I should."
Leven looks at Lily who is at a loss for words. No one knows what to say and even if they did say something, nothing will make me feel better. I dont want to feel everything I am feeling now. I want the pain and tears to go away. I want to feel nothing, I want to be nothing but with no liquor left, I have to deal with feeling like I just got run over by a bus. I have to feel all this pain and sorrow and I dont want to feel it. I want to be drunk and forget about every problem I have. I dont want to remember the way it felt to kiss her, to hold her hand, to watch her cry, to hold her when she had a bad day. I dont want to remember the way she laughed, or the way she would hit me when I said something stupid at the wrong time. I want to forget the time we first said I love you to each other. I want to forget everything about her. I dont want to remember anything. I want to numb the pain and just forget.
