"I have all A's right now and I can't believe it," I exclaimed into the phone.
James had called me for our nightly call.
Fact: My foster mom, allows only 20 minutes of talk time which I completely HATE.
When I lived with Mom, I had D's and F's I think to myself.
"You're liking football, then?" I ask James.
"Oh yes, its a great workout and my teamates are awesome," he replies.
I smile listening to James go on about practice.
Things seem so basic, so calm. I keep expecting something bad to happen.
Dear diary, for once I feel like I can forget everything about Mom. I pretend I've always been this perfect person with the perfect house, life, parents and boyfriend. I haven't told anyone my secret yet though and it's been killing me slowly. He wrote me a letter and sent it to school with my old friend. I kept it hidden from my foster parents. It all feels completely wrong. The only example I can give you of the feeling is: its like when you eat something and realize it was expired or spoiled and your stomach starts to ache instantly. You feel disgusted that you ate the food and nauseated. That's the feeling I have constantly when I think about it, except I didn't eat bad food.
James has to get off the phone and I am stuck with my thoughts.
I think I should tell him. He's the only person I truly trust. He's the only person I feel truly loves me.
I know what you are thinking "pathetic Marissa, you set your sights on a boy and put all of your trust and love into him expecting it to all workout,". It's risky for me, my self esteem all tied up in one teenage boy. I know this.
I just can't be sure my foster parents really love me.
See what you've done mom.
YOU ARE READING
The fucked up orphan's diary
Teen FictionMarissa's life is changed drastically after one night. She had hoped for this change with all of her heart but now is stuck piecing together the last 13 years of her life. Grief stricken from past events and the pressures of a new school and parent...
