I know you are wanting to know what happened that night my life changed. It's not easy to write down but my therapist encouraged me to get it written down. She gifted me a new journal. No one is supposed to read this.
Dear Mom,
It was a cold winter night.
December 22nd to be exact.
You were sick and your current boyfriend was cooking dinner.
A lot was happening during that time but I can tell you a few things.
Our relationship was broken beyond repair, you had become a negative in my life.
You called to me from the back bedroom you need help getting to the bathroom.
I came to assist you, you were slurring your words and needing more help than usual walking.
I got you seated on the toilet and went in the other room.
Maybe I could find some Christmas gifts left in the open. (I still feel guilty about this).
You asked what I was doing and I called from the other room "Nothing Mom, love you".
You responded in with the most genuine "Aw honey, I love you too"
And then as I was standing there, your face contorted and your eyes went blank.
You fell over in the bath tub.
I screamed at the top of my lungs " She's dead, She's dead, HELP".
I knew before anyone that you weren't coming back. I watched your soul leave your body, I saw your eyes glazed over. I knew.
Your boyfriend tried giving you CPR following 911's instructions and vomit kept coming out of your mouth.
Tears were falling down his face and he was panicking. I couldn't understand why he was crying. I felt rage. You had left me so many times and here you were again leaving me, but this time it was forever.
The first responder's pulled you out of the bathroom and laid you across the bedroom floor naked.
They advised me to sit in the other room, to not look. But then they were careless and left the door open after they realized they wouldn't be reviving you. I saw your hand and arm laying there stiff. I recalled all of the times you had hit me with those hands, had hurt me with your words and now there was just silence.
YOU ARE READING
The fucked up orphan's diary
JugendliteraturMarissa's life is changed drastically after one night. She had hoped for this change with all of her heart but now is stuck piecing together the last 13 years of her life. Grief stricken from past events and the pressures of a new school and parent...
