My new parents

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When I first entered my foster home I was met with the smell of spices. I thought this was completely weird since my mom had me living off of boxed macaroni for 13 years.

My foster parents have thick German accents. They speak German fluently as well. The house upon entering is gorgeous. It was the type of house I always dreamed of having. I remember playing this game with my childhood friend Jess. We would collect all of the sales catalogs we could find and then add up the cost of everything we wanted.

This was like we had won the dream house, we wanted in the game of MASH plus all of those things in the catalogs.  No more trailer.
It had wood floors, a beautiful view, a fire place and plenty of room. I thought things would be perfect, I agreed to pretend everything that happened didn't happen.
I refused to remember you mom. But like I said before it wasn't easy.
First it was the triggered memory from seeing a similar car. Then I was questioned by police officers and social workers and counselors. They wanted to make sure nothing bad happened to me when I was at the house. They tried to make me feel like I could trust them.
They didn't know me.
I wasn't stupid either.
I could never let anyone know my secret.

My new therapist is working really hard at getting to know me. The only thing I like about her is she is rough around the edges. I never thought therapists could be rough around the edges, swearing types of people but she is all of those things and that makes her pretty cool. 


"Soon as the social worker took me away from my house I felt better. I tell Sherwin."

She wants to know why that is but I'm not ready to open up.

I think the rest in my mind.

I cried really hard because I was scared not because I missed my mom. I cried for him not knowing why. I cried because I was relieved it was over. All of it. Him. Mom. The house.

I tell Sherwin what she already knows:

Fact: "The moment I was pulled away from the house, I was given a second chance. I just need to figure out what that second chance means for me".

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