Smoke Song

Big Mistake

"I don't know, Taehyung-ah," Jin said.

"What?" Taehyung said. "I said I want to fight! I can do this!"

"I'm not saying you can't fight," Jin said, "I'm saying your voice is better suited for healing or defense. You'd want to go for a shield position."

"How's that any use?!"

Jungkook sat against the wall, blinking rapidly to stay awake. It was late. They were in the training room, a large space with padded walls and a few benches. Taehyung and Jin stood in the center, arguing for the umpteenth time.

"Namjoon and Hoseok are both defensive singers," Jin said, folding his arm. "Shields tend to be more powerful anyways. Besides..." he lowered his voice, glancing at Jungkook, and Jungkook swallowed hard, shrinking against the wall. "Your voice might be powerful enough to heal his hands."

Taehyung's head shot up, and he turned, opening his mouth slightly. Jungkook just stared at his feet, tapping them gently against the floor as if he hadn't heard. He hated the hope swelling inside him, hated the way his eyes flicked to his limp hands the second he heard the words. He shouldn't be wishing for hands, he should be worrying about his voice. It was rapidly disappearing, going scratchy and blanking out when he most needed it. All his nights of practice in the studio didn't make it any better. Neither did water. Or rest.

He had to ignore the thoughts about it, or he would panic.

Still, part of him hoped. Part of him wanted to think that at least, if he lost his voice, he could still have his hands.

"I don't know, Jin," Taehyung said. "I-- wouldn't I be better off out there?"

Jungkook's heart sank. He closed his eyes, and it didn't take long for him to nod off, to shield himself from the pain of what felt like rejection.

Taehyung had changed.

Of course he had changed. Who wouldn't change after nearly dying for what they loved? Had Jungkook changed? Would he become like Taehyung, desperate to fight?

No.

Jungkook didn't want to fight. He wanted to hide. To disappear. After the flames, after losing his hands, nothing seemed that important anymore. He just wanted to sing, and that ability was fast disappearing. Music was slipping through his fingers like water, and he couldn't seem to hold on.

He was started awake by a sudden force on his chest, pressing him into the ground. He shifted, coughing, and the force grew stronger. When he opened his eyes, there was nothing. For a moment, sounds were muffled, like he'd fallen underwater or put a book against his speaker. Then he swallowed, and the sounds came through, strong and clear.

Taehyung was singing.

Jungkook struggled to move, to turn and look at his friend. Jin was singing too, under his breath, perhaps acting as a guide for Taehyung, who kept his eyes closed and hands squeezed into fists. The force holding Jungkook down strengthened until he felt like he would be crushed against the wall where he lay. He began coughing again as the pressure hit his throat, sending prickles and flashes of pain through his neck.

"H-hyung," he gasped, gritting his teeth when neither looked his way. "Hyung!"

Nothing. Jungkook began to choke on the pressure, head slamming back against the wall. He couldn't hear the song anymore, not over his own desperate panic. Taehyung was powerful. More powerful than Jungkook would ever be.

Jungkook was going to die.

He managed to turn around, taking some of the pressure off his throat, and shoved his arms under his head, propping it up so he could breathe. He coughed and retched, squeezing his eyes shut as phantom pains raced along his arms and legs. His heartbeat slammed in his ears, but when he tried to talk again, his voice cracked, and he broke into another coughing fit, tears bubbling up in the corners of his eyes.

Please stop, he begged silently. Please stop, it hurts. Let me go.

The song ended, and he sagged to the floor, letting out a weak cry as his head smacked the padding.

"Oh sh*t," Jin gasped.

Jungkook passed out. 

"Kookie? Kookie, hey. Can you hear me?"

Jungkook let out a breath, slowly opening his eyes. Taehyung sighed in relief. Jungkook shifted and realized he was still on the floor of the training room. Taehyung cradled his head in both hands, and Jin had a hand over his chest, watching his face carefully.

"Feeling alright?"

Jungkook tried to answer and began to cough, rolling onto his side. Taehyung shifted his hands, supporting him. Jungkook took a deep breath, opening his mouth, but horror formed a pit in his stomach as he heard how hoarse his voice was. It was really happening.

"Y-yeah. Why did you--" his voice broke, and he gritted his teeth, baring them in a snarl of frustration. "Why did you--"

"I forgot to shield you," Jin said, hand slowly tracing up to Jungkook's neck. "Hang on. I'll fix it--"

"P-please don't touch me," Jungkook said, rolling onto his stomach and hiding his face in his arms. Immediately he felt ashamed of himself. Why was he hiding from them? If Jin could fix it, shouldn't he let him?

But the memory of the pressure, and the fear, and the pain, was still there. He didn't want Jin's hands on his neck, or anywhere on his body. It was already terrifying to have his friend's hands on his shoulders. If Taehyung could shove him into a wall with a song, how much more could he do, if he wanted to?

Jungkook hated it. He hated the fear.

But... he couldn't seem to escape it.

"You two should probably get to bed," Jin said, sighing. "Jungkook-ah, if it still hurts tomorrow come to the doctors, okay?"

Jungkook nodded.

"I'll walk him to his room," Taehyung said.

Jin didn't respond, but Jungkook heard the door open and close. Immediately he relaxed, sighing heavily.

Taehyung chuckled, rubbing his back. "Think you can stand?"

Jungkook nodded, slowly pushing his arms underneath him and getting to his feet. He wobbled, and Taehyung caught him, wrapping an arm around his waist and using the other to press Jungkook's head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Jungkook sighed, closing his eyes.

"Really." Taehyung wrapped his arms tightly around Jungkook, pulling him against his chest. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Please, Kookie. Don't be mad?"

"I'm not mad," Jungkook managed, though it took a few tries to clear his throat.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah."

"Your voice sounds really bad. Why didn't you let Jin-hyung heal it?"

"It's not bad," Jungkook lied, terror sweeping through him. "I-It'll go away, soon."

"I don't know, Kook," Taehyung said. "Jin-hyung is right. You should get it checked."

Jungkook sighed, resting his chin on Taehyung's shoulder for a moment before pulling away. "It'll be alright," he said, more to convince himself than his friend. "I'll be alright."

Taehyung frowned, reaching out to tangle one hand in Jungkook's hair. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah," Jungkook said.

Taehyung searched his face, biting his lip, then stepped back, intertwining their hands.

"Let's go to bed."