Smoke Song

Are you hurting, too?

"I don't know what to do anymore," Jimin said.

Jungkook paused, hands in his pockets, looking up and down the hall. When he peeked around the corner, Jimin sat with his phone in his hands, tears streaking down his face.

"What happened to him?" Jimin was saying, "It's like he enjoys being here, like he agrees with them. Obviously he doesn't say anything, but..."

"Jimin, breathe," Taehyung said. "You don't know what they've been telling him. Besides, it's not like we did a good job of taking care of him while he was here. From what you've said about Soomin, Kook is probably happier now than he's ever been in his life."

Jungkook's knees buckled. He slid down the wall, mouth open, eyes wide. Jimin was telling Taehyung. Jimin was still in contact with all of them. He hadn't deserted?

"I just don't know if I can handle seeing him like this every day," Jimin sniffled.

"Like what, chim?"

"With Soomin wrapped around him, half-awake, smiling at me like nothing's wrong!" Jimin broke into fresh sobs, and Jungkook struggled to contain his own.

He wanted to see Taehyung. He wanted music. He'd thought he'd buried the desire, but now, with a dangerous idea racing through his mind, he knew he'd just been kidding himself. It wasn't alright. He couldn't avoid it.

He stood, slowly, and peeked around the corner. Jimin's grip on the phone was loose, his arm blocking his face as he cried. Jungkook felt his heart breaking, but he had to act now, while he still had the chance. He slipped his shoes off and broke into a run, half-sliding across the slippery floor and snatching Jimin's phone out of his hand.

Jimin let out a cry of surprise, stumbling to his feet as Jungkook slid around the corner, scrambling into an empty room and slamming the door.

"Chim?" Taehyung called through the phone. "Chim, what happened?"

Jungkook slipped under a table, checking to make sure he hadn't muted the phone, and pulled a chair in in the hopes of hiding a little while longer. When he turned the camera around, Taehyung gasped, and the image on his end blurred-- he'd dropped the phone. While he was getting it back, Jungkook tried desperately to say something, but the words wouldn't come, and he found himself staring at Taehyung's shocked, sleepy face instead, drinking the image in.

"Kook?" Taehyung said softly. "Where's Jimin?"

Jungkook bit his lip, pointing toward the door. Taehyung laughed softly.

"So you took the phone from him, huh?"

Jungkook nodded, letting out a deep sigh.

"Jimin told me you still can't talk," Taehyung said. "Don't stress yourself out about it. I'm glad you're okay."

But I'm not, Jungkook wanted to say. I'm not okay. I need you, and I need music, and I need to be able to talk again. He opened his mouth, wishing the words would come through, but Taehyung interrupted.

"Besides, I think you've given me a clear enough answer as far as love."

Jungkook choked. What had Jimin told Taehyung? He shook his head, tears filling his eyes.

"Hey, Kook, it's okay. I was prepared for this." Taehyung shifted on the other side of the phone, and Jungkook broke into full sobs, clenching the phone so tightly he was afraid he would break it.

"It's okay," Taehyung repeated. "I know I hurt you. You deserve someone like Soomin. I hope you're--"

When the words still refused to come, Jungkook let out an angry half-yell that startled Taehyung into silence. Jungkook scrubbed at his face, taking a deep breath. He wanted Taehyung to understand. Why did it have to be so hard? He'd tried not to miss him all this time, but it was impossible. He wanted him back. Even if it meant dealing with Yoongi and Jin, even if it meant being in danger, he wanted his friend back. He wanted music again.

"I love you," he mouthed, pressing a hand to one eye in a vain effort to stop the tears. "I love you."

"Jungkook, I don't understand," Taehyung said. "What's wrong?"

"Jungkook?" Jimin said from the doorway.

Jungkook set the phone down and slid it across the floor, watching as it bumped against Jimin's feet. Jimin picked it up, but stayed where he was, closing the door.

"Jungkook," he called.

"I gotta go," Taehyung said. "I'll talk to you later, 'min. Stay safe."

"Yeah," Jimin said softly, then crouched beside the chair Jungkook hid behind, pushing it aside. Jungkook curled up into a ball, glancing at him, then looked away to hide his tears, but Jimin slid under the table with him, cupping his face in one hand.

"What's wrong?"

Jungkook groaned, shaking his head.

"Obviously you heard what I was saying," Jimin mused. "But which part made you want to steal my phone?"

"Taehyung," Jungkook mouthed.

"What?"

Jungkook tried again, then gave up, growling to himself and turning away.

"Was it something Tae said, then?"

Jungkook scooted out from under the table, standing and heading for the door. Jimin scrambled after him, jogging to cut him off.

"Please, Jungkook! I want to understand!"

"I love Taehyung," Jungkook mouthed, hating himself even as he tried. "I love him, but he hates me."

Jimin cupped Jungkook's face in both hands. "Love...?" he murmured. "But isn't Soomin--"

Jungkook slapped him away, hurt and betrayal twisting together in his chest. His face contorted as he stared at Jimin and he shook his head, growling. He hated feeling like an animal. He hated not being able to speak.

But it didn't matter anymore. Taehyung had already given up on him. He had nothing to return to anymore.

Better to give up on music than have to watch Taehyung move on without him, without ever knowing how he really felt.

Maybe he really was better off with Soomin.