Without You

1. The Gift

Lindsey pulled off the freeway, already able to see a dusting of white snow covering the iconic red rocks. While he made sure to see his mother and brothers at some point during the holidays, he enjoyed spending them in Arizona. Though only an hour away from their native Phoenix, the Nicks loved spending the holidays in Sedona. Their rustic vacation home provided incredible views of the changing seasons among the red mountains. 

It would make sense that making the drive from LA as they had together for so many holidays, would bring him pain, but he actually felt closer to her. Though she loved the ocean, Stevie always had a special connection with the desert, it's unearthly beauty resonating with her spirit. She adored her fans and thrived off of their love and attention, but sometimes things just became too much. And so she would return to the desert, and it grounded her. He could almost picture her there with him. The last holiday they spent together, he had watched an invisible burden lift from her shoulders the further they got from the city. 

The setting sun glinted off her golden hair as it whipped across her face, entrancing him. Leaning back against the seat to enjoy the last vestiges of sunshine, she had turned to him, a knowing grin on her face. 

Gracefully tilting her aviators down her nose, she chastised playfully, "and what are you looking at?"

"You're beautiful," he replied simply. She laughed loudly in pure delight.

"Eyes on the road, mister." Nevertheless, she grabbed his hand and, by the time the sky had darkened, she was fast asleep against his shoulder.

Pulling off the main road onto a familiar path, he stopped in front of a wrought iron gate and an intercom. Finally making his way into the driveway and retrieving his duffel from the trunk of the convertible, he was met at the door with a hug from Barbara and ushered into the warm atmosphere, already able to hear light chatter from inside. Making his way into the living room, he found Stevie's brother Chris on the couch, and greeted him with an outstretched hand.

"How are you, man?"

"Not bad, yourself?" Lindsey replied noncommittal, still slightly pensive from his time spent deep in memories on the drive over.

"Just fine, all things considered. Oh, Lor!" said Chris, gesturing towards the diminutive redhead who made her way over to them.

"Hey Lori, how are you?" Lori had been one of Stevie's backup singers on Bella Donna. Shocking everyone, she and Chris had grown very close after losing Stevie, and were now quite serious after more than a year together.

"As well as expected," she responded with a small smile. Their casual chatter was soon interrupted by Barbara's call from the kitchen. Jess offered Lindsey a drink as he helped Barbara bring out the food, and soon the five of them were seated together in the formal dining room, candlelight flickering across their faces. Though not raucous or lively in the way many large family gatherings were, the atmosphere was warm and comforting. He couldn't help but recall when he was sure the rest of his life would pass in this fashion, traveling to Arizona a couple times a year for requisite visits with the grandkids. Those curly-haired angels he was certain would someday become his life, never to be. So much lost in a single night. Sometimes he wondered how these people were able to maintain their vibrancy, always so welcoming and full of love for him, when it was still so difficult for him just to get up in the morning.

After dinner was over, the others retired to the living room while he helped Barbara finish up the dishes. Toweling off the final wine glass and placing it in the cabinet, he handed the cloth to Barbara as she turned off the faucet. Turning to her as she shut off the lights, he expected to be wished pleasant dreams as she made her way up the stairs. Instead, she continued towards the fireplace, gesturing for him to follow.