Without You

10. Hello There

Eventually his tears dried and, not wanting to deal with his conflicted emotions, he chose to focus on the feel of her fingers running through his hair.

"You're finally wearing it huh?" With a tired smile, she fingered the small moon pendant hanging from the chain around his neck.

"Your mom gave it to me, said she found it in storage," he responded dryly.

"Is she the one that told you then? I can't say I'm surprised. She never spared any details when it came to telling me just how horribly I'd treated you in all of this."

"Nobody told me anything! Respecting your wishes, no doubt."

"Well then how exactly are you here? I don't imagine you found the address in a telephone book."

"I've been tracking you like some goddamn agent. I think I spent half of the last week just sitting in my car on the I-10. I- I heard your dad on the phone with you in the middle of the night, and I had to find out, for my own peace of mind. I tracked down your medical records and as soon as I saw your signature on that paper from July I just knew. So I begged your mom for a storage key and finally paid off some kid from the grocery store to show me the way up here."

"Wow, Mr. Detective, tracking clues across the Southwest." She couldn't help the giggles, moving to tickle him. He stopped her hands, holding them to his chest. While her sweet teasing was usually all it took for a smile to appear on his face, he wasn't in the mood.

"I'm not joking, Steph. I was so desperate for anything, it's– look, I haven't forgiven you."

"Maybe it wasn't– no, I know what I did was wrong. But it had already happened before I really realized what I'd done. They had already pronounced me dead, what was I supposed to do?"

"That's not the point, Stevie. I don't give a shit about everyone else or anyone else really, I want to know why you didn't tell me. She wasn't just your baby, she was ours. How could you take that away from me? You know all I ever wanted was a family with you."

"Linds, I didn't know how. I would just sit here, and the guilt would eat away at me. Daddy told me how you quit the band, he said you stopped playing. Guitar was practically your life, I didn't want to take that away from you. My decision was selfish—probably the most selfish thing I've ever done. But I didn't know how to fix it. 

"She was born at the end of July, and I couldn't just leave her without a birth certificate or social security or anything, she wouldn't be able to have a life otherwise. So the day she was born, Daddy brought someone down from the hospital with all the right documents. But I asked him to bring those release papers too. So that maybe, if you went looking, that you'd see it and you'd know. And you did."

"This is just– it's so like you. To leave things up to destiny or some crap just to get out of being responsible for your own actions. I can't listen to this anymore." Shifting her from his lap, he moved to leave.

"Lindsey, please just wait. You haven't even seen her yet–"

"I don't think I'm in the right mind to–"

"I named her after you—Sara Lindsey, Sara Lindsey Nicks."

"Stephanie, stop it. I'm telling you that I just can't–"

"Who're you?" A small dark head peaked over the padded armrest of the chair. 

Starflower blue eyes peeked up at him curiously beneath thick dark lashes, and he was entranced.

"Come here, baby. I didn't know you were awake yet," Stevie greeted the little girl sweetly, reaching her arms out. 

"I just woke up," she responded with a small smile, lifting her chin to rest it over the edge of the chair. She shyly avoided his gaze, looking at Stevie. When it was clear she wouldn't come any closer, Stevie slid out of the chair, kneeling down to lift Sara into her arms. 

"Say hello, Sara," Stevie murmured into her ear, looking back at Lindsey hopefully.

"Hello."

"Hi," he choked out. Even with her hair tangled from sleep and pajamas rumpled, she seemed perfect to him. Her dark curls and bright eyes were his, but her features were all Stevie. He could already tell she had inherited her mother's small mouth and nose. 

"Momma, he's staring."

"It's because you're so pretty, baby." Stevie responded, nuzzling against her small cheek and smiling as Sara began giggling. The sound of her laughter shattered his heart and healed it at the same time. 

"Look at you, you little ragamuffin. I think it's time for a bath." Stevie looked at him as they walked away, her intention to give him some time to think clear.