A Bond That Can't Be Broken

Gradual Reveal

Hannah's POV
The memories, they're so vivid. But I can only remember fractions, like me dying. I also obviously remember waking up in the morgue, it was freezing and I just instinctively pressed the red button that stood out in the completely white room. I was isolated and I was panicking, I remember it clearly but I couldn't take it. It was freezing, I felt like I was dying from hypothermia. Which I probably was.

It's kind of weird honestly. The dreams. The blood is endless and the noises, the ambulances in the distance and the gunshots not far off. I just remember that and the smell of death. Who's, I don't know? I can't even remember who I am and what made me who I am. I just wish I can remember more but that's all I ever remember. That's all that happens in the dream and then I wake up from the nightmare. I just know somethings off about my life and no one wants to tell me what. So I get out of bed so I can go to school and face everyone. I just need to face the world. I face school like a champ. I accomplish everything regularly. It's just a normal day.

When I go home, I just go upstairs and sit for a few minutes. I think and think, trying to remember what happened to me. I just can't remember and I feel like screaming. It's terrible to know that the memories are there but your mind doesn't want to unleash them, reveal them, take them out of the darkness so I can just know what I'm missing. What I need to do? Why I feel depressed? Why I'm missing people when I don't know who it is? Cause no one died as far as I can recall. I just can't let go of whatever happened in the past, even though I don't know what it is.

Maybe I should just ask and they'll be honest with me. So I walk out and go to my mom and ask her,"Hey mum, I was wondering if you'll tell me what happened before I lost my memory?" She sighs and says, "Sweetie it's for your own good. It's not that we don't want to tell you, it's that it's best for you not to know. Do you know why people suffer with amnesia?" "Yeah, either cause they're old or they suffered a traumatic event,"I say confidently. "Exactly! You're not old so why would you want to remember a traumatic event? Because that's one of the memories that's going to come back if I tell you anything sweety," she ends kindly. I can see she is happy that I am talking again. But I just know that I had a life before her and this whole family. I just know. I can't believe in the back of my mind that these people are the only family I ever knew. I am confident I know at least three different types of families. One is mine but the others aren't. That is a vague memory that I have known for a while but I never mention it because I know I don't want to know the whole story or assume that these people kidnapped me just because I can't remember.

I know things but I can't be sure. It's so frustrating and confusing to not understand the simplest of things. The things that come naturally, I'm not even sure of my name. I'm not even sure of my birthday. I have no idea why I have the gut feeling that things are just off. The following day, I wake up from a terrible nightmare. I remember seeing a gruesome scene set before me, of mixed scenes that I know are separate for some reason. They become merged and show many scenes that I know are too real to be just a dream. I shower that night when I have that dream, in my own sweat. Then later I have a real shower and cry and scream my guts out. I even become hoarse, it is terrible, because everyone looks at me weirdly.

My depression becomes worse by the day, for no apparent reason, because I don't have one but my brain is collapsing and I feel like jumping off a building. At least if you know why you are depressed you can go to a therapist but I don't even know why because I don't have any memories that someone will confirm is real. I just need someone so I decide to go to my brothers room at midnight. I walk into his room without invitation and he wakes up startled but then he sees me. I honestly don't know how he sees me since I don't put on the lights until later.

He flinches when I put the lights on. I look at him and it is like he knows. He pats the place next to him and I run and sit by him. "What's on your mind Hannah?" He asks me. I just sighed and then I say, "I wish I knew. I just feel so depressed and I don't know why. I can't remember anything but nightmares are there. Please I beg you, please tell me if they're real. If you don't I will go insane. I can't take it anymore." I then start crying and grabbing my hair tightly. I'd been doing that a lot recently so I'd lost a lot of hair.

I feel so broken. "Sure,"he says and I can see he is broken too. He lost me too. "I just want you to be better, I'm tired of not having you around," he says kindly but with a hint of sadness. My tears are falling like a waterfall. "I have grouped dreams but I can't remember it all. I remember being in love but I don't know with who. I remember three families but I don't know who the two consist of. I remember... nothing, I just can't remember but I know this is not how my life used to be,"I say finally and break down, I begin to sob profusely. I see sorrow in his eyes. "I'm sorry that we ripped you involuntarily away from everything but I can't tell you. Everything you feel is correct but I can't tell you who and why. We were there for you sis through a lot. We always were there and so were most others but I can't tell you who is alive, who's dead, who you loved or who the other two families are. I'm sorry. I'm even more sorry that I'm not enough and that I can't make you happy. I've failed as an older brother and I've lost the only thing I've ever loved that's actually alive. I never told you before that I had a sister but we lost her sis, my parents never wanted to lose anyone they viewed as there own. Including you, me and another. They can't lose another child sis. They thought they lost you once and they begged me not to ever leave them, ever. I'm sorry I can't make you as happy as you used to be,"he concludes his speech in tears.

"What happened to your sister?" I ask curiously. He sighs and says, "She died at 11 turning 12. She was kidnapped because of our business but they didn't have to kill her. We gave them the money, they just wanted to kill her. So we chased them and destroyed them and we saw my sisters lifeless body. Used and abused, stabbed and shot to death. There were 50 stab wounds, 20 men that raped her and finally 20 gun shots everywhere especially her face. Her beautiful innocent face, that always wanted to see good in the world. That's when everything changed. Forever." He seems depressed. So I say, "I should probably go to bed." He nods . I hear him break down and ask himself where he went wrong and I feel extremely guilty. I just go to bed with all my sadness, hoping to have a better day tomorrow or just not breath anymore.