His hand shakily moved closer to Hudson's, his pinky finger slightly overlapping Hudson's own. The palm of Hudson's hand was rough and calloused but the top of it wasn't. It was smooth and honey-colored and sent chills down Eli's spine.
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••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Then look at me
Those were the words Hudson had said that made the dam inside him break once more. As soon as he turned his head and their brown eyes met did Eli's face contort to one of sorrow as he sobbed.
Hudson has held Eli before, to calm him down, but his eyes widened in shock as Eli wrapped his skinny arms around him and buried his face in the crook of his neck. He could feel the warmth of Eli's breath on his neck as he hyperventilated, and he cautiously moved his own arms around the others body, holding him close.
Eli flinched only for a second before relaxing into the touch of Hudson's hands trailing up and down his back, soothingly. Hudson whispered little nothings to Eli, trying to get him to calm down. "Shh, you're okay." Hudson would say.
Eli could barely retain what Hudson was murmuring against the side of his head, him being too out of it to actually listen. His head was pounding and he throat tight, his cries still on borderline screams of pain.
"Eli, I need you to breathe with me, come on, deep breaths." Hudson tried once again, not knowing any other way to get the latter to relax a little more. Eli was still in the same state as before and Hudson was desperate, running out of ideas, he began to hum quietly, deciding the most he could do was just be there and hold him like he had done before.
Eli's shakiness began to fade away and his breathing fell back to normal, and yet he didn't move. In his head, he had an excuse to be this close to Hudson. It was okay because he was in distress and Hudson wouldn't have to know that he was okay without being held, so he let himself enjoy how it felt feeling Hudson's chest move slightly as he breathed and closed his eyes and listened to Hudson's low humming through his chest, feeling the vibrations.
He had no idea how long he stayed there hugging Hudson but it felt like an eternity to him, and it was utterly blissful to feel someone like this, to feel more than his normal cold empty shell. He breathed in Hudson's scent from his cologne and from his laundry detergent and his shampoo; a unique combination that is only Hudson.
Hudson closed his eyes, letting himself slip into a moment of complete satisfaction and simplicity. He knew that Eli had calmed down but he didn't mind holding him, even though those realizations scared him a little. "Do you need to talk about it?" Hudson asked, his voice muffled in Eli's hair.
Eli wanted to nod his head, wanted to say everything that was going on in his head, but that voice was always there. The one that told him not to trust anyone, that everyone would end up hurting him in the end. "You'll find out, someday." Eli said quietly, his voice still hoarse because of his cries tearing through his throat.
"I know." Hudson began. "I hope it's soon."
"No you don't...I promise, you'll wish you never knew."
