Dirty little secret~Jungkook&Seokjin

Chapter twenty six

Nilsa's POV

Wednesday becomes Thursday and my phone is lighting up with more frequency. I keep it close so I can see if its someone important calling, but it never is. My grandparents haven't called in a while, I mean every time I call, they always say they're fine and that they will call but they never do.

I feel like going back home for a little while. I feel like I need the break.

I only have a few more days until Ellie comes home anyway. And then what will happen? Will "Seokjin" still be a part of her life?

Will he still visit? And hold her and kiss her? Does he tell her he loves her? Did he ever plan a future with her? Will he?

I shake my head. I thought he was into me. All about me. At least for the time being. As much as a guy like that ever is "into" one specific girl. But it was all a lie.

It was all a lie.

Wasn't it?
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When I was really looking forward to that one phone call from my grandparents, I couldnt face the fact of talking to them about my life and about Jungkook. My grandfather facetimed me, making sure I was ok. I was pale, ghost white with bags under my eyes. Why was I like this, when we weren't in a relationship?

I barely recognised myself in the mirror. I haven't been able to sleep these past few nights. All I could think about was him.

I try to clear the thoughts of Jungkook out of my head as I tried to focus on my grandparents, but my grandparents were actually the least of my worries at that moment.

Rain fell. Slow, thick drops through still, warm air.

I needed to get out of this damn house. I wanted to be alone. I ended up going for a stroll to the park.

I sit down beside a tree. My hair hung in damp strings past my shoulders. I shuddered, struggling to hold it in. I breathed, choking on my tongue as I tried to literally bite down on sobs.

I felt a warmth descend over my shoulders. I pushed away from the tree and turned to see the warm eyes of my best friend. I was never so glad to see her.

"Moana" I breath. She didnt say anything. Just sat down next to me. I stared at her. She understood my need for silence. She lifts out a packet of cigarettes. She flipped open the top and withdrew a cigarette, flicked the Zippo and lit it. I watched, because watching kept the magma at bay.

She put the filter between her lips and sucked.

"I know, I know. These things will kill me." Her voice was rough and gravelly and deep, but still melodic somehow.

"I didn't say anything." That was the most I'd spoken in over forty-eight hours.

"You don't have to. I can see it in your eyes. You disapprove."

"I guess. Smoking is bad. Maybe it's an inherited dislike." I shrugged. "I've never known anyone who smokes."

"Now you do," she smiles. "I don't smoke much. Socially, usually. Or when I'm stressed."

"This counts as stress, I think."

"I guess" she spoke.

"Are you ok?" I ask

She nods

I took the cigarette from her fingers, ignoring the strange feeling inside me.

I took a drag, tasted the smoke, blew it out. I felt the airiness in my head spread. I liked the feeling. I took another, then handed it back.

"Do you want to go back to yours and watch a movie?"

I stare up at her "I thought you'd never ask"

She smiles

I followed her to her car. A car I have always adored. She was sat next to me a moment later. The leather seats vibrated under my thighs, not unpleasantly. I could feel her stare at me but I didnt want to talk. Her presence was somehow a balm on the open wound of my heart. She reminded me of my grandad and I loved that.

This fact alone was enough to cause a river of guilt. I shouldn't feel this. Shouldn't feel anything. There should be no balm, no comfort.

I didn't deserve it.

Moana extended her hand and helped me out of the car. I was glad. She sucked in a deep breath, stuck her hands in her pockets and jingled her keys "Come on"

Moana was the only person I wanted to chill with right now. She really knew how to make me smile. She walks into the living room holding a bottle of wine and Pizza.

I slap slices of pizza on plates for both of us, and we each take a plate and a glass to the living room and settle in for our date night. Every week, Moana, comes over and we watch our favourite shows back-to-back while eating bad food and drinking too much wine.

It's tradition. But these past few weeks we've been busy... with boyfriends... or just friends

I bite into my pizza as the opening credits for The Vampire Diaries begins.

We settle in to eat and watch TV as Miley jumps up on the back of the couch and curls into a ball to sleep and watch over us.

"I'm telling you," Moana says as she sips her wine. "That Ian Somerhalder is going to eventually be my husband."

"He's already married," I remind her, and watch as young vampires feed on innocent bystanders while also saving the town from evil.

It's an amazing sort of irony.

"For him I could be a home wrecker," she says thoughtfully. "I mean, look at him."

"Sexy for sure," I reply with a nod. "Except when he has blood dripping down his chin."

"I wouldn't kick him out of bed for having blood dripping down his chin," she says with a smirk. "Unless he wanted to do me in the bathroom."

"Ew," I reply.

"You don't like to do it in the bathroom?"

"No, the blood part. Ew."

"I would though" We laugh and settle to enjoy the rest of the show. When its over, I pause Netflix, to clean up the Pizza and refill our wine. Just as I am about to resume the Tv, Moana speaks

"So have you spoke to Jungkook about this?"

She's not looking directly at me, and she says it as if she's asking me if I've checked the weather for tomorrow

"Haven't seen him"

"I'm not going to ask what happened but I'm guessing bad boy turned out to be worst boy?"

I nod "Yeah" I really didnt want to get into it.

I press play and pretend to be engrossed in the show. When I am finished my wine, Miley jumps down and curls up to me.

"He was talking about you yesterday at RM's. He misses you. I'm sure what ever he done is forgivable"

"Why are we still talking about this?"

"Because you're not saying anything," she says.

"There's nothing to say"

"And you love him," she reminds me.

I shake my head. "I've been thinking about that. I don't know. I've carried a torch for a boy I used to know. A lot has happened."

She's frowning. "But it's Jungkook"

"I'm fine," I say, exasperated. "I'm not a teenager no more. I am not going to crawl after a boy who wants someone else and who has lied"

"You're still hung up on him"

I shrug. I blow out a gusty breath. "I shouldn't be attracted to him"

"You are though"

"Can we not talk about this anymore and watch our show now?" I add

"Okay." She doesn't sound convinced, but I really don't want to talk about him anymore. When the show is over, we clean up and she leaves, and I climb the stairs to my bedroom.
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