Chapter twenty five

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by morrinsbae_

by morrinsbae_

Nilsa's POV

Never in a million years did I think I would feel this way about a boy that only wanted me for sex. I mean did he only want sex or was that an act? Why me? am I an easy target?

I had far too much on my mind and I didnt think I would be able to concentrate on my own. In fact, between getting very little sleep—again—and the magnitude of my troubling thoughts, I feel almost physically ill. My stomach literally turns over when I see the flowers that Seokjin left me.

"Jungkook" I say out loud.

As I did most of yesterday and far into the night, I relive the humiliation of what happened with Jungkook when I thought he was Seokjin. The things I said to him, the way I acted, the things we did, or nearly did. The way I tortured myself over who had crept into my bedroom that night.

I was mortified. Why didnt I know this? why didnt he tell me? why couldnt he trust me. Like I would rat him out or tell anyone. Why didnt he tell me sooner, before I was starting to fall for him. For fuck sake why do you always get yourself into these situations?

I head into the kitchen to make coffee. As I pass my phone, I see the screen light up. I had put it on vibrate, also leaving it out here last night because I didn't want to be tempted to answer it. The name displayed is Jungkook.

As I sip my coffee in the living room, I try to think of other things, but they all lead back to the most important issue in my life. Jungkook. How did he become such a central theme? When did I get so deeply involved? How had it happened without my knowledge?

The answer? It didn't. I knew I would fall for him. I lied to myself just enough to soften the blow at the time, but I knew it would end like this. It's the story of my life.

Another swell of anger. And bitterness.

Then longing. And loneliness.

The anger again. At him for letting me get so close. For drawing me in, like a spider into his web. His web of lies!

But I cant help but to miss him, even if he did lie to me.... why was this? The ball is in my court this time. I know all I have to do is pick up the phone, return one of the many messages he's left me, and I can be with him again. At least for a little while. In a different web of lies. In a relationship with no future.
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Jungkook's POV
She wouldnt answer my calls. Have I really destroyed any chances with her? Do I really care if I have?

The answers are: I don't know and yes. In that order.

I can only hope coming clean with her was the right decision. I would've thought someone like Nilsa would appreciate the gesture, the significance of what I did in the end. But maybe I was wrong. I've never really had feelings for a girl like her. Hell, I've never really had feelings for any girl period. Not like this anyway.

I honestly wasnt sure what to do. I'm just going to have to accept that and go along with her decision. She wont have me now and I dont beg. I wont ever beg a female for anything. Its not possible.
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