||Shut It|| Brendon Urie x Reader

A Staged Intervention

So I have decided that I will most likely start making these chapters shorter so I can update more frequently. I have a lot of time on my hands haha

You and Lu sat on one side of the monitor. In your hometown, Kassidy sat in front of hers.

"Um, is Sam home at all?" You asked. You didn't want to begin a conversation about him if he was there. It seemed sort of. . . bad when you thought about it, but you didn't have much of a choice.

Kassidy shook her head. "Nope." She popped the 'P'. "He's going out to buy me a coffee because all of it ended up on my shirt."

Lu tilted her head. "Are you sure you don't have any terrible burns? Something that needs to be treated?"

Kass shook her head with a toothy grin. "That hoe's lucky I ordered an ice coffee."

You snickered. "Anyway, here's the deal."

You proceeded to give both Kassidy and Lu a basic run down of the situation, explaining your previous relationship with Sam to Lu and your current issue to both of them.

"I see, I see," Kass nodded her head comically. "So, what you're saying is, you need a way to friend zone him so hard he ends up never being able to love again? I can do tha-"

"No!" You cut her off. "I don't want to hurt him. And personally, I don't think I will have to talk to him about it that much."

"Then who will?"

Both you and Lu sat in silence, giving Kass "the look".

"Why meeeee? Am I nothing more than a decoy in the novel of your romantic life? Woe is me, for I have been betrayed!"

You admired how she managed to keep a completely blank expression throughout that declaration, but continued as if it didn't happen. "I'm not trying to use you for my benefit. Before I say anything else, I want you to be honest and open with me."

She gave you a thumbs up. "I'm ready for anything, baby."

"Do you have feelings for Sam?"

Her jaw dropped.

Ready for anything except for that, I guess, you thought.

"The fucker ruined my 'My best friend is dating Brendon Urie shirt'! I am repulsed! Disgusted! Enraged- okay, yeah I like him." She crossed her arms awkwardly. A huge smile spread out across your face.

"I KNEW it!" You cheered. "You should have just told me, Kass."

"If I might interrupt," Lu interjected, "I believe liking a friend's ex would go against what people call 'girl code'." Her fingers scrunched in mini quotations around her head.

Kassidy snapped her fingers sassily and whispered a "snatch her, girl."

You waved it off. "Girl code doesn't apply in this situation. I give you my blessing to break girl code. I want you to be happy, Kass. Go get him."

"You are forgetting something very important, bucko."

You cocked your head at Kassidy, wondering what she meant.

"The dude is still head over heels for you. He's got his frying pan lookin' ass all up in the dishwasher. Doesn't leave much room for me."

Lu looked extremely confused.

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"Okay, okay," she explained. "His ass is a metaphor for his love and you're the dishwasher and-"

"On second thought, let's get back to the topic at hand."

A moment was spent with no talking, everyone weighing their options on what they could do.

"From an outside perspective," Lu began to speak, leaning back in her chair, "it seems that this Sam guy doesn't actually like [y/n], he's just high on what he can't have. Knowing you can't have something makes ya want it even more."

You nodded in agreement.

"So the dude isn't in love with [y/n], he's in love with the thought of being with her. From what I've seen, Kassidy actually has a pretty big chance. You guys get along well and he treats you normally despite your. . . strange humor. You just gotta make him realize his feelings."

Kassidy seemed entranced in her words. She had never talked to anyone about her feelings for Sam before. Well, other than that moose she met in the mountains one time. Quite an understanding moose he was. But now, someone had an actual solution to her issue. "And how do I do that?"

A door opened. Kassidy looked behind her. Sam's voice filled the room, letting her know of his presence. Kass turned back to the screen. "I'll text you." And ended the call.

"Well, agent," you leaned your arm on Lu's shoulder, "we've done a good thing."

She laughed. "Let's see how this plays out."