fantôme ; ksj

33.au revoir

I am so sorry for being the bitch I am and disappearing for 194820 years with the last chapter on hold. Life has been rough, and busy, and shitty. Enjoy the last chapter!

au revoir / sentence substitute / o rəvwar.
in english : seeing again ; goodbye
definition : used to express good wishes when parting or at the end of a conversation.

A surging pain erupted in Minseo's head, it felt like a million needles were being penetrated into her delicate cranium, prying them open and squeezing them together, busting into a million fireworks of pulverized bones. The pain was so unbearable that Minseo woke up palpitating and clutching her head, aiming all force in one direction, no energy left to scream. 

When the headache subsided, she turned to look at the clock at her bedside. It was 6:42a.m. and the hospital was silent as ever. Silence was the only sound heard. Some patients were still deep in slumber, while others hoped for their fatigue to return, as an excuse to crumble and crawl back into the silky white sheets of emptiness and subtle comfort.

Minseo tried to recollect her memories in the past 24 hours. Bits and fragments of euphoria, laughter, exhilaration, betrayal, anger, fury, despair, sadness, rejection, pain and pain and pain and pain bombarded her like a full-length movie squished into 3 seconds. Except she could feel everything and anything and nothing at the same time. As if on instinct, she yelled for the person that she was most familiar with. "Seokjin!"

Her scream was merely an echo, not meant to be reciprocated or replied. It bounced of the white walls of loneliness and evoked a hollow and feeble hope inside her, and some part of her knew that no one was going to reply, or at least, the person she called for wasn't going to reply.

"Seokjin please don't play tricks on me, I really need you right now!"

The door burst open with people in white coats striding inside. 

"Ah Ms Lee, I see you're awake now, finally."

"I'm....I'm awake?" Minseo's stomach plummeted at those words, she moved herself slightly off the bed to see if she was truly, awake in her own body. 

But I don't want to be awake.

"Nothing love, sleep."

"He made me live..." she whispered.

"I'm sorry, Minseo, what did you say? I didn't quite catch that," the doctor asked.

"It's okay Doctor, it's nothing." But it wasn't nothing to her. Her mind was a storm of betrayal and angst, directed at the one person she wanted to spend her life with. She loathed him for not letting her have her say in her choice to die. She hated him for being so selfless and selfish at the same time, thinking that his decision was the best choice. She despised him for letting her go and giving up on them. She hated him so so much.

But at the same time, there was a small glimmer of hope that he'll return, and that they'll be able to spend their lives together, as quixotic as it may seem. However, Seokjin wasn't there by her side when she woke up. If he could wait for 57 days while she was asleep, why couldn't he wait for a few hours for her to wake? Was he there with her? Or was it that she couldn't see him?

"Minseo!" An old lady's croaky voice snapped her back to the real world. A voice so familiar and comforting that she never knew she would miss this much.

"Mama!" Minseo's mom ran to her child and cradled Minseo's head in her arms. "My baby is finally awake!"

Minseo's fingers latched onto her mom's velvet coat like it was going to disappear at any minute. She was engulfed by her mom's light floral scent, just the same as the plum blossoms in front of her parent's yard.