Broadway Dream

Chapter 28: My fault

Skip a few weeks

"You are still slightly underweight but other than that everything is perfectly fine" Dr. Hennings says as she reads through my file. "I've been eating a lot lately though" I point out, she looks up at me and nods "You've made good progress with your weight but each week you need to hit a certain weight and you're not there quite yet and I'm also sure that you're a busy woman, being active all day will lead to you burning calories" she explains.

"Nonetheless, everything looks good just make sure to rest more and I will make a list of foods that can help you increase your weight more" I nod in understanding "Okay, thank you".

Being pregnant is hard. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and as hard as I'm trying to be positive about it all, my feet are killing me, my back hurts like every second of every day, my swollen belly is in pain sometimes and I can't even sleep because it's so uncomfortable. Although I keep reminding myself of the few little weeks left until I get to hold my little Hailee in my arms and give her all the love I have.

The doctor shows Josh and I our little girl on the screen and a bright smile pulls at my lips, she's still really small but she's adorable. "Let's listen to her heartbeat" she presses a button on the computer and the room fills with my daughter's heartbeat. I furrow my brows when I realise how fast it sounds.

"Is it suppose to sound like that?" Josh questions.

"Her heart is beating at a fast pace but that can be taken care of easily by getting Maya to relax and take it easy, we want her as calm as possible so the baby also relaxes" she answers and my heart drops. It seems as if I can't do anything right with this pregnancy, I'm underweight, I'm too stressed what else? Ugh.

When the appointment finishes Josh and I head back home. I collapse on the couch and snuggle against the pillows whilst staring at the wall. "I'm going to make you something to eat, do you want something to snack on for now?" Josh asks sweetly, I nod keeping my gaze on the wall.

"Do you want me to turn the TV on for you?" He questions whilst bending down to grab the remote. I shake my head making him sigh, "Maya what's wrong?" He moves to sit besides me and lifts a hand to caress my cheek. I shift my gaze to look at him, my blue eyes locking against his darker ones. "I suck at being pregnant" I mumble "I can't do anything right and right now I'm wondering what I'm going to mess up next" his face softens.

"Maya-"

I shake my head "Josh I don't want to hurt her, what if something bad happens an-and we lose her" I start to cry.

"See this" he motions to me "Is what we're trying to avoid baby. You can't get all stressed out about it, just relax and believe that everything will be okay because it will" he wipes my tears with his thumb. "I love you Maya, you're doing amazing, being pregnant isn't easy and you should give yourself more credit for being so strong" he smiles and leans down to peck my lips "Just breathe" he whispers.

"Okay" I mumble leaning up to kiss him again. "I love you too".

I try and take his advice to just breathe. He puts on a movie and gets me a bowl of cut out fruits which I devour within minutes. Elli stumbles back home with my mom half an hour later, right on time for lunch. She's been killing all of her shows lately and from the way her smile reaches to her eyes everytime she gets off of that stage, you can definitely tell that she's having the time of her life. During the days where she doesn't have a show, she spends time with the family or helps Josh and I with Hailee's room. Today she had ballet practise and my mom was the one who picked her up and they went to the mall.

She goes to take a shower before joining me on the couch with Josh where we eat lunch whilst watching a movie. The rest of the day passes rapidly with me doing absolutely nothing which I admittedly hate, I always like doing something but for the sake of Hailee I stay on the couch the whole day and before I know it I'm snuggled in my bed wrapped in Josh's arms fast asleep. However something doesn't feel right.

I shift position and furrow my brows when I feel my stomach tighten once more. Am I having a contraction? I wait a few more minutes, wondering if it'll happen again but instead I feel Hailee move positions. I decide to try and fall back asleep but minutes later I wake up again and sit up, something is definitely not right.

I pull the covers off of me and a gasp falls from my lips as I stare at the bed sheets. "Josh" I use my hand to shake him, my eyes not leaving the blood that's coating our sheet. "Josh, Josh, Josh!" Tears quickly build in my eyes and my heart picks up speed as I vigorously shake my boyfriend awake. "Yes" he grumbles sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, "What's wrong baby?" He questions looking at me with furrowed brows.

I reach over to my nightstand and turn the lamp on, "Fuck" Josh says as soon as he can properly see with the light. He jumps out of bed and rushes over to my side, "Come on we're going to the hospital now" I nod as tears keep falling from my face. I knew something like this would happen.

As Josh runs around the house, his phone pressed against his ear as he talks to my doctor, his free hand grabbing a bunch of random shit that he throws into a bag, I just stand there, arms wrapped around myself as all I can think about is how this is my fault.