Nia is now a grown woman. A cold one. While she's trying to protect her heart, one guy will attempt to eat away at the wall she has built.
An ode to Black mental health and self care.
Read Soft & Strength (in this order) first.
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Rayne Ingram - Valentine
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I found myself back on the beach, this time by myself.
Well, I had a notebook and a pen to keep me company. I wrote what I saw, heard and felt. Sometimes I wish I could call my grandparents. They say your grandparents are supposed to be the spiritual beings you lean on.
But, I didn't have a good relationship with neither of mine. My mom's mom was just evil and her dad just didn't know how to be a father or a grandfather.
My dad's parents didn't accept him and I really didn't like that. They basically shunned him for being bisexual and that didn't sit too well with me.
They wanted a relationship with me, but the feeling wasn't mutual.
The only true spiritual being I ever knew was taken from me. Granted, he came back every now and then. But never when I wanted him to.
Only when I needed him, in his words.
Maybe he knew best. I'm not sure. But I could feel his presence sometimes, like now. It's so much we didn't get to do and so much I didn't get to learn.
Shiloh was truly a gift that I hadn't unwrapped fast enough.
The sun was beginning to set, showing an orange and red hue. It was beautiful and watching it, somehow, made me feel closer to him.
Was he my guardian angel like my mom said?
Maybe. Only time would tell, and the way I could know is if I stopped being the brat he claimed I was being.
I was tired of being in this space, especially this mental space. I was ready to grow as a woman and a lover.
Not only did Jace deserve better, but do did I. I guess that's what I was forgetting. I had to get better for me first, and everyone else second.
Time away from Jace proved just how much he meant to me. I craved him in ways I never craved him before. It wasn't sexual, but it was intimate.
I missed his touch, his laugh, his smile and everything else about him. I missed the way he looked at me even when I didn't notice him doing so.
I just missed his presence.
I wanted to stop fighting him and let him love me the way I needed to be love. I wanted to share myself, flaws and all, with him.
I wanted him to be around my family and I wanted to get to know his. Then, eventually, I want us to create a family of our own.
In the past, I couldn't admit that because I felt like I was betraying Shiloh. But, now, I knew how Shiloh felt. Moving on felt like betrayal.
