Suicide Hotel ~Kellic~

Chapter 1

          Kellin~

This is it. I can't take it anymore. I've tried to keep going but it won't stop, it will never stop. The voices are getting louder and everyone is making it worse. I can't stay at home because my parents fucking hate me too. My dad's always drinking and seems to not even notice my cries for help(It's not like he'd help even if he did hear me because I'm just an ungrateful faggot to him.) My mom can't help me anymore... She used to at least try but she can't take it anymore either... she's been in the hospital for a month since her overdose...I don't have anyone anymore. My sister Kailey is hours away at college and she's too busy for me to bother her with my bullshit. She doesn't deserve a brother like me anyway... A freak who has no friends because he scared them all away...It's bad enough that I was bullied at school for every little thing. The few people I managed to keep, even after the bullies decided I was their favorite stress reliever, left after I freaked out in the cafeteria the day after my mom was sent to the hospital... I was always able to keep the voices down...I made sure no one knew about them... but that day they were yelling... and I could almost feel them trying to grab at me and suffocate me. I know they're just in my head... I know they aren't "real" but to me... it's like they are real... it's like the bullies... once you hear them so much you can't just act like they aren't there.

I just got home from school. Gavin, "the leader" of the bullies made a remix of when I had my episode in the cafe... he fucking put it on the school newscast. That day itself was bad enough... reliving it as a joke isn't something I can handle... I don't care anymore. The one voice telling me everything's going to be okay in the end is wrong. The only way everything will be okay- I will be okay. Is if I don't exist. I want to not feel. I don't want to hear anymore from anyone. I want to be gone from everything. No matter if I can get away from the actual people I can't escape my own mind. The only way I can truly escape this hell is if I kill my mind itself.

I'm writing a quick letter to explain to Kailey and my mom that I'll be okay and I'll finally be free from constant pain. It's not their fault. I can't escape myself... there is only one way for me to escape me. With that I turn my music all the way up to drown out the voices a bit, I take all the pills I've been refusing to let myself get close to for months, and I just lay in my bed and wait for peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm awake? Maybe? I hear rain... I feel cold pavement under my body. Where am I? I open my eyes slowly feeling a severe migraine as I try to make out my surroundings. There's so much fog, but I think I can see a flashing light through it. I slowly get up and walk towards the light. I don't know how I got here... was everything a dream and I just blacked out? As I get closer to the light I can see that it's a hotel sign... Why don't I see any other buildings nearby?

"Hi! You must be Kellin!", Someone says making me jump in surprise.

"Umm... I'm sorry but how do you know me? Actually, Where am I?"

"I'm Frank. I run this hotel with my boyfriend, Gerard. I know this is confusing but please come inside and I'll explain shortly."

"Okay?", I say as I cautiously follow him inside. He has me sit on a soft couch and he and a guy with bright red hair sit across from me on the other couch.

The red-haired guy speaks first," I'm Gerard. I'm not sure what you remember but I'm going to start this conversation by saying you're not dead, just in a coma. You tried to commit suicide but your sister found you and got you to the hospital in time to get you stable. There is a pretty decent chance you will wake up eventually but we are unsure of when that will be so until then you get to stay here. This is a hotel of sorts for those who attempt to take their own lives but end up in a coma. Sometimes people who come here will end up never waking up but it is very rare. We've only had it happen a few times."

"Wait... Kailey found me? How? I thought she was at college?"

"She had come home because she saw the video... she knew about your mom but she didn't know your mental state was as bad as it was", Frank said.

Gerard continued to explain," while you're here you will be going to counseling sessions. Our goal is to help you find hope and feel like you have something to live for. You will meet people with issues similar to yours and people with issues that are different. Nobody is judged for their mental health. Yes, you might think you're crazy, but you're not. You just need help and to be taught how to manage. Mental health is just like physical health; it matters and it needs to be taken care of. You can't just look at someone with a missing leg and say,"ignore it", so why would you look at someone with a mental disorder and just say ," ignore it?"

"We are here to help you understand you, and to help you see that just because others might not understand, that you are a valid human being", Frank added.