Know You All Over Again

Chapter 12

I am turning around on the tiny couch trying to find somehow a way to be at least a tiny bit comfortable. But it doesn't look like I am going to be in luck anytime soon.

With a groan I look at the clock on the wall and notice it's 1:30am in the morning. Looks like I have been tossing and turning for over an hour now but sleep is just evading me. There are so many thoughts in my head, so many emotions in my heart. It feels overwhelming.

I knew the second Farm mentioned the side effects of the PEP medication that I just had to be there for him, no matter what. My way home to my sister was just filled with me googling the heck out of these pills and how to counter attack these side effects. I was on proper autopilot, just like always when it's about him...

I knew that he wouldn't be happy about me just barging in like this, but I just couldn't help it. I need to be here right now. I need to be here for him. Whatever the cost. And by the looks of it one of the cost is absolutely my night sleep. Stupid couch...

I sit up and grab the tall glass of water in front of me. The liquid feels good running down my throat and I hope that the coolness of the water might also sooth another part of me.

It was heartbreaking seeing Knock hanging over the toilet bowl, retching until his eyes were all teary. At that moment I just tried to do what needed to be done. I cleaned him up and brought him back to bed. I tried to make him as comfortable as he could be and it didn't take long for him to fall into a deep sleep all over again.

I cooked some chicken soup while he was sleeping. Always trying to be as quiet as I could humanly  be while pottering around in the kitchen. But it seemed that Knock was out cold anyway and he slept through until I woke him again around 7pm. He must have been proper exhausted from all the stress of the last 24 hours....

He got up for dinner and we ate together. Knock was not very hungry but with some coaxing I managed to get at least one bowl of hot soup into him before he refused to take even one more bite. We didn't talk much other then about him having to eat but even though the situation should have been awkward with me just barging into his life like this and him... well, going through everything he was just going through. But somehow the silence was just that... silent....

Knock was trying to argue with me how much more he had to eat for about fifteen minutes before I gave up. He was pouting like a three years old toddler and my heart, despite the circumstances, just couldn't help it and feel all warm and giddy just looking at him. I am not sure if Knock noticed the tiny smile that was laying on my face but if he did, he didn't say a word about it.

When it was time to take his medication I just gave him another glass of water and watched him swallowing the three tiny pills in one go. Somehow just seeing the pills brought reality crushing back around me. It's funny how the last couple of months were nothing else but an endless roller-coaster ride for me.

Soon after dinner Knock felt sleepy again and I just brought him back to bed. Again he was bickering and complaining about me behaving like a nurse and that he was no patient whatsoever. But it was merely a weak attempt to get rid of me. Knock was absolutely shattered and I am not sure if it's from the medication already or if it's just the stress of the last few months as well.

The last few months....

If I think back just half a year... Our life was so different back then. We both had just graduated and finally started to work properly. I loved it so much. Finally getting some responsibilities and using all these things I learnt at uni. It was just so exciting and it totally swept me away on a wave of pure bliss.

The only shadow back then was Knock. I am not stupid. Even though he never told me that he didn't want to work for the same company as me I knew that something was not quiet right. It was almost as if he refused to grow up, take on the responsibilities of an adult.