Perspective

Chapter Seventeen

"Now I've been smoking for so long
You know I'm here to stay
Got you in a stranglehold baby
You best get out of the way"

***

Thank God that's over.

I managed to get Harrys food to his table without throwing it at his head, and if I was petty he would have had a side of saliva with his mustard... But I decided to be a bigger person than that today.

Even though Sam offered to do it several times after he noticed how much my mood had dropped more than usual after I came back from getting his order.

I spent the whole time avoiding looking at Harry completely and barely acknowledged him when I gave him his food, even though I could feel his eyes burning holes in me the whole time.

I could have kissed the ground when I was finally able to take my lunch break and didn't give Harry a second glance when I slipped out the front door and went to stand in the small alleyway next to my work.

I could use my break to eat, but that anxious pit in my stomach is making the thought of food enough to gag; so I decide to listen to music instead.

I've been going through songs in my phone, for probably the last ten minutes and getting lost in them with one ear bud in.

I need to be able to hear if Sam randomly gets busy and needs me to come in, the other girl we have working today is new-ish and she hasn't gotten all her bearings yet.

We haven't spoken much, usually too busy waiting the tables but she seems nice enough.

I've also decided to indulge in an old habit, one that I only fall back into when I'm not coping with the stress of well... being alive.

Everyone will tell you that smoking cigarettes is bad for your health, and it's disgusting.

And it is.

It's the exact reason I do it when the time calls for it.

My therapist groups it in with my self destructive behaviours I fall into when I'm not coping, and I mean, she's not wrong.

I hate smoking, truly I do.

All the more reason to do it to myself, all the more reason to hate myself.

The minute I draw in the smoke from the cigarette and taste that foul bitterness all through my mouth I grimace, but inhale it into my lungs anyway.

As soon as I exhale I get that same dizzy feeling from not doing this as regularly as I use to and close my eyes, humming along to the rock music and rest my head back against the brick wall as I lean on it.

Fuck this tastes gross.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now!"

The high pitched shrill voice shouting grabs my attention, and my brows drop in confusion.

"This is bullshit! Who the hell do you think you are!"

By the sounds of it, a woman is absolutely losing her shit right now. She's screeching like a banshee.

I push off the wall, and take a couple steps to peek around the corner to the direction of the voice so I can see what all the fuss is about and shove my phone back in my work apron.

My eyes fall on the girl Harry had brought into my work, with Harry standing lent against the wall a few feet from the front door as she fumes in front of him.

She looks pissed.

I pull my headphone from my ear and frown as I watch both of them.

What's possibly happened between when they had their lunch and she was fucking him with her eyes until now?