Perspective

Chapter Forty Six.

"You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault"

****

Blue.

It's the only color that's been on my mind today.

That's all I was surrounded by last night, was the blue lighting in Harry's bedroom when he took me back there after my exceptional emotional breakdown at work; which I'm still struggling with feeling embarrassed over.

I never thought I'd find the colour blue so comforting, but that's what I associate with it now. Comfort.

Blue is also what I associate with Harry.

So, I guess I associate comfort with him too.

I was so emotionally drained by the time we got back to his house, but he didn't expect me to talk. We ended up spending the night, laying in his bed with Gizmo listening to music and it was one of the more bizarre things I've experienced.

I've had a lot of instances like the one I had yesterday, where I felt that way and where things finally became too much and it explodes, where the pain has no place to go except out when you've been forcing it in for so long. Desperately trying to ignore it.

It wouldn't be the first or hundredth time, I'm sure it won't be the last but was a first - was Harry.

Being comforted after something like that, instead of soothing myself alone was something I was wholeheartedly unfamiliar with.

Especially with someone that didn't make me feel like I was burdening them, being an utter inconvenience.

He just let me be sad, he let me be hurt and just existed there with me in it.

He didn't try to dismiss it, brush it off or tell me I shouldn't feel that way. He didn't make me feel wrong, for how I felt. It was one of the most surreal things I'd felt, and also the most terrifying.

I was allowed to be fucked up, and I wasn't wrong because of it.

I think that was harder for me to cope with, or figure out my feelings about than what had gone on hours before that. The hurt and discomfort was something I was conditioned to, but being comforted from it was that unfamiliar my brain felt like it was going to short circuit trying to protest.

When Frankie had come home, that was the only time Harry left his room. And I assume it was to go and let him know how I was doing. I know Frankie knows me well enough to leave me be, which I appreciate but I also don't think they realised I could hear bits of their conversation outside Harry's door over the music.

Most of it was muffled, but one thing Frankie said was something I wasn't expecting.

"She's been through a lot. I'm just happy that she's finally letting someone be there for her, dunno what it is between you two -- but it must be something if she's choosing you over being alone... Just please be fucking careful with her Harry. I worry about her, at least you understand why a bit more now."