Till death

Hurt

Cara
Tuesday September 8, 2009.

I woke up on the sofa around 5am. I couldn't go to bed with Tony there. I can't believe he hit me. My stomach was sore outside but I felt cramps inside. I went to the bathroom to find I had started bleeding. I sat and cried. I know what was happening. I was miscarrying. A miscarriage brought on by my husband punching me in the damn stomach. At least he'll be happy about this.
Why would he do that to me though? I didn't do this on purpose.
After I was done in the bathroom I cleaned up and opened the door. I gasped loudly as Tony stood right there.
"I am so sorry. I love you so fucking much. I never meant to hurt you." He said as tears rolled down his face. He pulled me to him and hugged me.
I was in shock.
"It's gone." I said while tears rolled down my own face.
He stepped back and looked at me with a puzzling look.
"The baby is gone."
"Because of me." He nodded as if last night suddenly came back to him. "Fuck! I am really sorry. Please say you forgive me."
I nodded and cried at the same time.

I drove to Brookline to our studio. I got there by 8 am. I was the only one there so far. Before I got in the door my phone buzzed for the sixth time.
There were text messages from Tony. All apologizes from last night. My stomach was still sore on the outside. I had a purplish colored bruise there from where his fist came into contact. It was the size of a baseball.
My eyes teared again. I went to my desk and grabbed a tissue just as Hilary was entering.
"Hey. Are you ok?" She asked as I wiped under my eyes.
"Yeah. I'm fine. No worries. Just emotional. Probably my period." I lied.
I lied to my best friend. I can't tell her what he did. She would never forgive him or me.
"Ugh. I hate that. Then I crave sweets and salty at the same time. It's annoying." Hilary said putting her bag down.
Later that afternoon the door opened. It was a flower delivery guy.
"Cara Calvano."
I stood up. "That's me." I said.
"Sign here please."
There were four dozen bouquets of roses. Each one with a card. I grabbed all the cards before Hilary or Faith could see them.
I faked a smile. "Tony. Such a sweetheart."
I put the cards in my back pocket and walked to the back room. I ducked into the bathroom and opened each card. They were all identical. 'Please forgive me. I love you.'
I ripped the cards up and threw them away. I hid them under paper towel.

I packed up around 5:30pm. As I was heading to my car Hilary yelled out to me and jogged over. "What's this?" She said holding the ripped cards that came with the flowers.
"Did you dig them out of the trash?"
" I was emptying the can and I saw them. What's going on Cara?"
I didn't want to get in to this with her. Not right now. "Hilary, please."
"Cara. I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything."
Tears started to well up. I was so afraid how she would react.
"Last night, Tony hit me." I said as the tears fell. "But it's ok. He apologized."
Hilary's face grew red."Oh and that makes it ok?"
"Please don't make a big deal of it. He swore it won't happen again. Just drop it. And don't tell him you know."
I clicked my car unlocked and put my bag inside.
"Please Hilary."
Hilary rolled her eyes. "If I ever hear he hit you again, I'll best his ass myself."
I hugged Hilary and left for home.

Saturday September 11, 2009.

Tony woke me up that morning rubbing me. It was after 9.
I rolled over and let him undress me. Morning sex was great. We ended up taking a shower together, which ended up turning into sex in the shower also.
By the time we were done, I was sore down there.
Hilary came over around noon so we can go over some new designs for next week. She said hi to Tony but it was cold. We went into the office and got down to work.
Several times during the two hours she was there I noticed Tony pacing the closed office doors. He had a small glass in his hand. It looked dark, like bourbon. I hope that's the only one.
I tried to focus on work.
"Does he know?" Hilary whispered.
"No. I didn't tell him I told you."
"Good. So I got a phone call before I came over." Hilary grabbed the paper."Gregg Thomas. Wants to redo his living room."
"Gregg Thomas? I knew a Gregg Thomas in high school."
"Maybe it's the same guy."
Hilary left at 3:30. I stayed in the office and gathered up all my paperwork.
Tony stumbled in.
"Hey pretty." He slurred.
Goodness, he was drunk.
"Tony honey. How much did you drink?" I asked.
He kissed my neck. I could smell the liquor on his breath. It was gross.
"Stop. You're drunk."
Tony kept kissing me until I pushed him off.
"Fuck!" He said as he slammed me against the wall.
"I just want to kiss my wife!" He yelled then grabbed my throat. His hand squeezed making me gasp for air as his other hand unbuttoned my shorts.
I tried to get his hand off my neck when he struck me. He punched me in the cheek. My head jerked and he threw me to the floor causing me to bang the back of my head. I cried out for him to stop but he kept pulling my shorts down. He grabbed my arms and held them in one hand while the other hand pulled out his cock.
"Tony stop it. Stop!" I screamed before he trusted himself inside of my already sore vagina.
I cried as he forced himself inside of me on the hard floor in my office.
I closed my eyes and waited till he was done.
I cried as he left me laying there on the floor. He stumbled out into the living room and laid on the sofa. I stayed put for almost twenty minutes before I got up and put my shorts back on.
I quietly and carefully walked past the living room heading for the stairs when I noticed that Tony had been asleep. His pants still unbuttoned.
Thank God.
I ran upstairs and showered. When I was done I wiped the fog off the mirror and saw my cheek had a purple mark on it as well as marks on my neck.
"Oh my god." I whispered.
I wanted to scream. He promised me. He lied to me. He hurt me so much not just physically, but mentally with him raping me. I was still in pain from that.
With all that's happened over the past week, I've come to realize that when he drinks, he gets violent.
He needs help. And he needs it fast.
I got dressed and laid down in my bed.

It was dark when I heard the bedroom door open. My eyes shot open but laid still.
"Cara." Tony called out.
I ignored him.
"Cara." He said again rocking my arm.
I cried and told him to go away.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
What's wrong? Is he joking?
I sat up and turned on the lamp. Tony's eyes grew wide.
"Oh my god. What happened?" He asked.
Is he for real? Like he doesn't know?
"Earlier. Does it ring a bell?" I snapped at him.
"I did that? Oh God Cara, I don't remember, I'm sorry."
I cried. Did the alcohol really make him forget?
"Tony, you need help. I love you. But you need help."
The tears poured out of my eyes. I cried so much  I started to hyperventilate.
"You forced me to have sex. You punched me and choked me."
Tony cried and buried his head in my neck.
"Baby, I'm so sorry. I love you. And for you, I'll do it. I'll get help. But I can't lose you. I won't. Please. Help me."