Dear Meh,
I remember when I was your wing woman. Polar opposites brought together by the forces of attraction; just not attraction to me, of course. Not at first anyways. You wanted my best friend, the gorgeous one with the cute smile and long, gorgeous hair.
I remember realising I was the second option when she ghosted your ass. Then I went with it anyways, even though it stung like shit. We had already cast our spells over each other, and consumed temporary love potions until our eyes were murky with a lustrous hunger for the overly perfect versions of each other that our overactive imaginations had conjured up. It was bliss. It really was, but I wish I had ended it forever that first time once and for all. It would've saved me the hassle of dealing with feeling like shit all over again.
I can't tell if you wanted me for my 'innocence' - the little of it I had - or for the fact that I was the closest you were going to get to my best friend. Thinking about it stresses me out. You would say something and like a spineless bitch, I'd do it. If I wouldn't, you would remind me of how much you liked me, loved my mind. After all, I'm 'not like those bimbos', right? Regardless, after a few words of encouragement, I'd bend over backwards for you. Literally, and metaphorically and within the limits of our fucked up cyber relationship that had no titles. Nudes, video calls, dirty conversations about things I never would've dreamed of doing in real life...
I want to say that you are toxic because you made me feel like shit for putting myself first but fucking hell, I can't. I can't because you're a fucking great guy when you want to be. If you want to be.
You are the master of manipulation, and within your loose grasp is the power to make me weak in the knees and make me believe in the possibility that a swarm of yellow winged butterflies can tickle my insides, but also lies the power to make me question my worth as a young woman, make me want to cry all night and regret that I let you get so close.
I've been confused, and terrified for myself, of myself. I'm shit scared of losing myself within you when you don't see how much more everything means to me...
Sincerely, Tuyo.
