band one-shots

i think you saved my life || awsten knight

hello this is kinda rushed but fuck it

tw for some kinda suicidal thoughts and implied reference to self-harm. but nothing sUpEr triggering uwu

ship: awsten knight x reader

~

Awsten: GONNA BE HOME LATE

The text came through right as I was about to put a pizza in the oven for dinner for me and him. I drop the tray back on the counter and reach for my phone, reading the message.

Oh.

I shove the pizza back in the box and turn the oven off. It's one of Awsten's favorite meals, and there's really no point in eating it by myself without him.

Really no point in eating anything at all.

I text him back, ignoring the twinge of sadness.

Y/N: okay. love you.

I stare at the screen, awaiting his response. It doesn't come. Awsten always texts back so quickly, so why hasn't he replied yet? A couple minutes tick by and he hasn't even opened it. What the fuck?

I could always text him again, or call him, but I really don't want to. He's busy in the studio and I hate interrupting him when he's working. Even though I should, just to check for certain that he isn't dead. I should tell him I miss him.

But I don't.

I head to my room, which feels empty. Usually I can hear Awsten from across the apartment in here, or he'll be lounging on my bed with me, but it's too quiet and I hate it. And when it's too quiet, my thoughts become center stage.

Awsten probably hates me that's why hasn't texted back he's tired of me fuck he doesn't care no one cares why should they care Awsten doesn't want me maybe it would be better if I just didn't exist

They blur through my mind in constant cycles.

Maybe I should die maybe that's the best possible choice right now just do it before Awsten gets home you don't deserve him

It's been so long since my depressing thoughts came back, and I recovered, that I almost forgot what this felt like. It feels strangely foreign, like I'm not that person anymore, but also sickly comforting, as if maybe that's who I've always been.

Awsten is the one that helped me recover. I should text him. But the blackness swirls up inside me again, and I feel too shaky to reach my phone.

Then it lights up with a text notification and I lunge for it. It's Awsten.

Awsten: LOVE YOU TOO DO YOU WANT ME TO GET ANYTHING ON MY WAY HOME

Y/N: Can you come home right now?

My fingers shake as I press send.

Awsten: WHY

Awsten: NEVERMIND I'M ON MY WAY I DON'T CARE WHY

~

When he comes home, I'm sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at the doorway and messing with my hands from anxiety. His eyes light up when he sees me.

"Hey," He says crossing over to me and sitting down. He nudges his shoulder against mine, smiling. "What's wrong? Why did you want me home?"

I lean against him and bury my face in the crook of his neck. "I missed you and my depression started coming back."

"Oh-" Awsten frowns and curls his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. "Please tell me you didn't..." He trails off as his gaze flickers to my arms.

Shaking my head quickly, I respond, "No!" I cautiously raise one up in a surrendering motion, to prove to him. He starts to relax again when I tell him "Not yet, anyway."

"Were you going to?" His eyes are steady, not giving anything away.

"I don't know," I whisper. "Maybe. I wanted to die."

He doesn't say anything, just keeps his arms wrapped around me. "Do you still want to?"

"A little." I push the question away and ask one of my own. "Why'd you come home?"

"You asked me to."

"You didn't have to though. You were busy working." I finger the fabric of his sweatshirt, distracted.

He places his hand over mine, stopping me. "I can work anytime. It doesn't matter. You matter."

I finally crack a smile. "I love you- Awsten?"

"Yeah?"

"For what it's worth, I think you saved my life."

He grins. "Good. Now let's go heat up that pizza." He stands up, pulling me with him.

~

can y'all tell that i'm anxious and shaky and i want awsten knight to hug me? 🤠