song for chapter:
ocean eyes-billie eilish
highly recommended + put on repeat
we arrived at his house. i sat down on the couch, heaving a deep sigh.
he went into the kitchen, pulling a beer out from the fridge, "want one?" i shook my head.
he popped open the bottle, taking a seat next to me.
"how much do you drink a day?" i asked. he shrugged, "just a couple." i rolled my eyes.
he reached for the pack of cigarettes on the table, grabbing the lighter. he took a cigarette from the box, putting it in his mouth.
i sighed, "you shouldn't smoke." i said, taking the cigarette from his mouth. he scoffed, "hypocrite."
"at least i'm not addicted like you," he rolled his eyes. "try to stop smoking?" i asked. "what? that's like asking a girl to stop being on her period."
i sighed, "please? promise me you'll never touch a cigarette again, for me?"
"fine," he put the lighter down. "but only for you, alexandra lee." he turned on the tv, flipping through different shows.
"yoongi?"
"yes?"
"how did you get involved with bangtan?" i asked. he kept his eyes on the tv screen, he rubbed his lips together, "it's a long story, alex."
"i'm gonna be here all night." i said. he sighed.
"well, i knew hoseok and namjoon for a long time. i was a 'troubled' kid during middle school, namjoon and hoseok had the same problem. all three of us didn't do our work, and we were always out. middle schoolers, doing bad shit at 12 in the morning," he chuckled.
"then, high school came around. all three of us had dropped out of school by then. namjoon had it hard because his family was rich and everything. but, around the time we were supposed to be sophomores, we met jimin, tae, and jungkook."
"then, hoseok introduced seokjin to us. of course, we were a bit skeptical of him but, after a while, he was cool, so we accepted him in the gang. and of course, all members of the gang have to go through initiation."
"how did you even come up with that as initiation?" i asked.
"well we made a pact, me, namjoon, and hoseok, to never go behind each other's backs. and to trust each other, we came up with this idea of fighting each other. to see if we were strong enough, and that's what we did, we fought."
"then when the young ones joined, we had to fight them too. same with seokjin. and that's how we all came to trust each other, to be a family. bangtan. it took a lot of stealing, fighting, and cops, to get where we are now."
"and when we met you, we all thought we could take our chances, but once we saw that seokjin really cared for you, we had to respect that. yes, some of us still tease you or play around with you or whatever, but we would never do that to seokjin, you're his top priority."
"i was never home, i never spoke to my parents once. i learned that letting my feelings free would get me nowhere but hurt, that's the reason why i don't talk much. i only say what needs to be said. because if i wasn't quiet, i'd probably say a lot of things i don't mean."
"i used to be like hoseok, having sex with any girl that threw themselves at me. but that all changed when i did have feelings for one girl. she told me she liked me too, i thought she actually cared for me, until i found out that she only wanted me for my dick. and, i wasn't the only guy she was lying to. that shit broke my heart. so, i stopped talking to her."
"she even tried getting with jungkook to get me back, but jungkook refused."
"were you always bad?" i asked.
he sighed, "no. before middle school, i was a good kid. i dreamed of going to college, getting into harvard or another ivy league school, getting good grades and becoming a pianist."
"a pianist?" i asked. he smiled, "yeah a pianist," he sighed, "my parents never wanted me to pursue a music career. they wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer but no, i wanted to play the piano and write songs."
"can you play?" i asked. "i haven't touched a piano in years. i've been thinking of buying one but, i haven't found the money."
"is that why you have that big space available in the corner?" i asked. the space was huge, how was he gonna get a piano in here? "yes, i leave that space empty in case i do buy a piano someday."
i smiled. "but, that good kid changed once he got to middle school. sixth grade was tough, i was slower than the other kids and i grew quite a temper. and once i got older, i got worse and when i met namjoon and hoseok, there was no going back," he sighed. "everything was gone, but ticket to harvard, my dream of being a pianist."
"i'm sorry...do you regret it?" he sighed, "yes and no. yes because i was a damn good pianist, i could've gone somewhere with my talent. no because, i wouldn't have bangtan. they're my family."
"so that's my story. why i'm here."
"you can't change? back to kid you used to be?" he shook his head. "gangs change people. bangtan changed me. i'm no good guy."
i shook my head. "you're a good guy yoongi." he chuckled, "you just don't know alex. i mean you said it yourself, i'm the most dangerous in the gang, i've never had feelings, right?"
"but you argued against that. you said you did have feelings." he shook his head, "believe what you want, alex. i'm not gonna stop you." he said, taking a sip from his beer.
i sighed, slouching back on the couch. a dramatic fight between two girls on jerry springer occurred. i felt eyes on me, i saw him looking at me at the corner of my eye.
i turned my head, he didn't even bother to look away. his stare kept me frozen, i couldn't say anything, i didn't know what to say.
his face got closer and closer to mine, as if...he was going to kiss me.
my body tensed up as i leaned in too.
"yoongi-ah!" hoseok yelled as the rest of the guys bursted in the door. "whoa, alex, what are you doing here?" taehyung asked.
"jesus, can't you guys knock?" yoongi asked. "were we supposed to? seemed like you guys were busy." jimin smirked.
"alex? what are you doing here?" seokjin asked.
i sighed, this is gonna be a long night.
•••
sooo summer break is alright i guess. i still have to go to work and summer school yay
