first kiss ; awg

6%

✧ - A L E X - ✧

*triggering: selfharm, abuse, don't read this chapter if you're sensitive to that stuff*

Secretly, I was glad that Zachary Merrick, another close friend and band member, had rescheduled our band practice because of his dentist appointment. Most of the day I'd felt dragged down by an invisible weight, and I wasn't feeling any better. On the bus ride home i'd been forced to sit in front of Kevin McHale, a guy whose girlfriend I stole off him (accidentally) in 9th grade, and Kevin had spent the whole bus ride trying to stick chewing gum in my hair, before I'd lost my temper and punched him square in the jaw. I walked the rest of the way home.

Scrubbing at the sticky stuff in my hair angrily, I lost my patience and instead snatched up a pair of scissors and cut the piece of mangled hair off. Later I could get my mom to even it out.

The only thing that had really ever been enjoyable about my home life, had been my older brother. That was before he died, anyway. Most of the time my mom wasn't home, or ignored me. Lonely was an understatement, which was why I spent most time at band practice.

Slumping onto my bed, I sat in silence, taking in the tranquility and quietness, so unlike the harassment I faced at school, until I heard the front door slammed open and shut. Downstairs I heard grunts, and instantly knew my mom's trash boyfriend, Pete, had arrived. Next I knew I'd hear their various shoutings, arguing, and making out. That was when I usually plugged in my headphones and began blasting music.

Around 6 o'clock, mom called me down for dinner, which I picked up without engaging in conversation and hurriedly took back upstairs. I couldn't stand Pete. He had a foul temper and a foul attitude. When he was over here he'd claim everything as his own, as if the fact my mom worked a double shift and I worked a weekend and summer job just to keep the house, was meaningless, because he was 'the man of the house'. Pete was undoubtedly a piece of shit.

And my mom tolerated it. He must've been pretty good at sex.

Scrolling through my feed, I thought about how Facebook was just full of pretentious assholes and show offs, but I had an account to help run the page me, Rian, Jack and Zack had made for our band, temporarily named All Time Low. I was skim reading through my newsfeed when 'recommended friends' popped up. Most of it was people I either didn't know or didn't want to know, until a girl with a profile picture of her laughing with her friend at a party caught my eye.

Annabel Wavefield. My stomach did a little flip and I smiled to myself. Was that fate, that the day I managed an actual conversation with her, she had been recommended to me as a friend? She'd accept my friend request, right?

After I'd finished my truly nutritious meal of beans on toast, I brought my plate down to wash up. My mom was sat at the kitchen table on her own, and gave me a weak smile, but didn't say a word. Just as I was heading back upstairs, I walked head first into Pete, whose stomach was as hard as a brick wall.

"Shit," I muttered, rubbing my head, as I squeezed my eyes.

"Watch where you're going, you dick." he grumbled, pushing me off him and sending me stumbling backwards.

"Lose some weight, asshat." I retorted back, foolishly.

"You little-" Pete slammed me against the wall, and my mom gasped in horror. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her step forward, as if wishing to intervene, but she did nothing.

"Jesus Christ, Pete, put him down!" she cried helplessly.

Pete stared at me, pushing his hands harder against my throat so his nails dug into the skin, before abruptly dropping me to the floor. I didn't waste any time, and ran back up to my room and slammed the door behind me. It still felt as if his stubby hands were wrapped my neck, and when I touched where they'd been, it stung. I'd have to pass them off as hickies the next morning.

"You need to control that goddamn boy." I could hear Pete yell. The walls in our house were thin, and I often was able to hear their conversations.

"It's not my fault he's... He's messed up!" my mom almost screamed. It sounded as if she was crying.

"You fucked him up, Sarah. You should've put him up for adoption when his father left! He's messing up your life and wasting your money. What kind of kid gets depression at the age of 10?!"

"Do you not think I don't know that!"

My head started to spin like crazy as the words they were spitting seemed to pierce my mind and posi on my thoughts, and I felt sick rise in my throat. I itched at my skin as if there was something crawling under it I needed to get rid of. I swore under my breath as my instant reaction was to drag the little box from under my bed out, and pull out one of my 5 blades, and drag it the thin layer of skin that was there. It stung, and I winced as the first droplets of blood appeared. I had been close to 2 weeks clean, but it was whatever. I needed to take my mind off of the pain I somehow continued to cause others, by destroying myself.

♡

wOw I really hate myself wtf alex pls ily

if you're facing similar problems/issues to in this chapter PLEASE contact or talk to someone because your problems matter and there are so many people who care <3

thank u sO much for reading rn if u are I probably love u a lot let me hug u

ps. Alex's irl parents are great this is not based off of them