first kiss ; awg

30%

✧ - A L E X - ✧

*tw: selfharm, suicide*

I barfed into the toilets. these pills weren't working and I should've known it. stupid hospital pills. my head hurt even more. I reached into my back pocket, retrieving the blade I always kept on hand. it was a really fucking dumb idea, I knew, but the temptation was always there, nagging at the back of my mind. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve before pulling the sleeve down, exposing my wrist. I had to die, I had to die, I had to die.

I'd only sliced once at my wrist when the door burst open.

Annabel stood there, suddenly her hand covering her mouth and her voice wracked with sobs. she fell to her knees beside me.

"A-Alex?" she sobbed, staring at me with watery eyes.

"Annabel, A-Annabel I'm so sorry-y. I can't go on. I want to d-die. my mom's dead." I managed, my breathing heavy.

she crawled towards me and wrapped her arms around my neck, tears mingling with blood and vomit.

her hands ran through my hair but I sat limp, clutching my blade to tightly in my hand that it started to bleed. she noticed when the blood dripped onto her knee.

in a swift motion she grabbed my wrist and snatched the blade before tossing it far across the room. I attempted a cry but nothing came out. then I threw up again.

"Alex, Alex, p-please." she continued to sob. "Alex, I love you, I love you. I love you so fucking much. d-don't leave me."

"I l-love you too." my body shook, and I stared at her helplessly. she was my world, my saving grace, and here she sat, covered in my blood, suffering because of me. what had I done?

"I want to kiss you," she sniffed, leaning closer in to me.

"I don't want to be your first kiss," I managed to whisper, cupping her head in my bloody hands. "you deserve so much more."

"I want to kiss you." she sobbed, now sounding desperate, needing me to understand. "I only want to kiss you. forever. there's nothing in my life other than y-you I have to live for anymore. the world could be c-crumbling around our feet and I'd be there, with you - kissing you."

I stared at her lips, wanting nothing more than to touch them, for our bodies to melt together. I'd craved her touch for so long, and now she was giving me permission to. wasting not another second, I leaned into her until our lips met.

hers were soft, and so much more plump than I'd expected. I could tell she wasn't quite sure of what to do, so I guided her with my own lips silently. the kiss was bitter sweet and innocent. it wasn't hungry or passionate, because that wasn't what her first kiss should've been like. she was innocence, to me, and everything sweet and good about the world.

and that's how the doctors found us, locked in an embrace, covered in blood and sobbing into each other.

-

WELL IT'S BEEN A WILD RIDE FOLKS
that is the end of First Kiss :-)
please let me know what you thought !!!

it was always going to end like this btw, I never imagined it going any other way, and idk if they'll be an epilogue, bc I kind of like leaving it open to interpretation about what happened next idk

suicide is not romantic, and I tried to make it as unromantic as I could. here are some suicide and selfharm hotlines you can call if you're struggling with anything <3

(this is the uk one) 0845 790 9090

I love you all and u guys can message me anytime

check out my other books if you've got the time and hey, stalk me !
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