first kiss ; awg

20%

✧ - A L E X - ✧

*could be triggering: selfharm + abuse*

we drove down the autumnal suburban streets, a place remarkably different to where i lived. all the houses were grand, and painted pastels, with ornate blooming gardens. it was like something out of a book. Annabel drifted in and out of sleep the whole way, sometimes mumbling unrecognizable things. when we arrived at her house, i opened her door for her and helped her out.

i didn't know if she knew what she was doing, but she held my hand as we walked up the drive to her front door. i knocked on, and almost instantly a man answered, looking flustered.

"Annabel! oh thank God!" he cried, pulling her into the house in a large hug. "we thought she might've been passed out in a ditch somewhere!" he said, turning to me. "you're um, Alex, right?"

"yes, sir," i nodded. "she got lost in the woods, and called me to come pick her up. she slept in my car, and then we got breakfast. I'm sorry, i know i should've taken her home sooner i just-"

"son, it's okay, i'm just happy she is safe, and had someone like you to look after her. I'm Dean by the way." he held out his hand for me to shake, which i did. Annabel looked almost asleep on his shoulder.

"thank you." Dean said greatfully, "see you around, Alex."

the drive back to my house seemed so much emptier without her there, without even her presence.

for the first time in a while, i felt genuinely happy. i got bursts of happiness from being with my band mates, and playing and making music with them. but the feeling i got with Annabel was incomparable. it was like lying on the grass on a warm day, the sun beating down on you as you listen to your favourite songs. she did so little but affected me so much.

"where the fuck have you been?" asked my mother as I put my key in the front door and let myself in. she stood at the foot of the stairs in a hideous leopard print dressing gown I recognised as Pete's and what looked like a blunt in her hand. "you were meant to come straight home from the hospital, and that was yesterday. where the hell have you been, Alex?"

"why do you care?" I snapped, storming up the stairs past her.

"Alex! Alex come back here-"

I wasn't looking where I was going, and consequently slammed straight into Pete.

"you ungrateful brat." he raised his hand and brought it heavily across my face, causing me to fall backwards into the bannister at the top of staircase, just managing to not fall down the stairs.

dragging myself up, I ran at Pete, but dodged him at the last second, running under his arm and straight into my bedroom. frantically, I locked the door and then pushed a chair under the handle, locking myself in. Pete banged at the door several times, but then I heard my mums voice, and he stopped.

I slumped against my bedroom wall, all the happiness I felt before suddenly draining out of me. why did everything around me eventually turn poisonous? God, I was so stupid for thinking that I could feel good for longer than a day, that everything would suddenly get better.

It can get better, a voice said in my mind, a voice that sounded so like Annabel's.

"it can't, it can't," I said, tears rolling down my face.

my mind wandered to my blades, and the cold relieving feeling I got from them. I was more than thankful that the cast on my arm was on the arm I didn't selfharm on, and that the doctors had either not seen any cuts or not commented on them.

I pulled out the box from under my bed, and felt the smooth metal in my hand.

don't, her voice said again, you're worth more than that.

"I'm not," my voice cracked, "my own mum hates me, half the school probably hates me now too, I've disappointed my band mates, I'm failing almost every class, and A-Annabel..."

don't hurt yourself, the voice persisted.

I put the blade down, my head spinning and throbbing from all the thoughts. what is Annabel ever saw my scars? what would she say? what would she think?

putting the blade back in the box, I brought out a packet of sleeping pills I'd been prescribed. the recommended dosage was 2, so I popped 6 out of the packet and swallowed them.

-

this chapter really sucked it's kind of a filler idk
please don't ever feel worthless or hurt yourself, you are so so special and wonderful and there are so many people who love you and care !!! love u all :+)