The love I had and didn't

JJ pain

JJ pov
I just got off the plane and got my bags and make my way outside to find Alan sitting in his car at pick up
A- wow the Mighty JJ leave his job to come Australia to spend time with his best friend
JJ- shut up man
A- hey what's wrong you look like shit
JJ- thanks and you call yourself my best friend don't worry I'm replacing you with Gino
A- he couldn't even be bothered to come get you
JJ- whatever
A- but seriously what's wrong it's not like you to just pack up and run
JJ- just drive I don't want to talk about it
A- ok sorry so how is everyone
JJ- good
A- has my wife left that fool yet
JJ- you know Nat don't want your ass
A- shut up
JJ- laugh
A- you think shit is funny you wait until Michelle call I'm telling her you are up under some bitch, talk about miche how is she and sky doing
JJ- we broke up and sky is Liam and I don't want to talk about so drop it
A- yeah sorry
JJ- cool it is what it is
The rest of the car ride to Alan and Gino place was a quiet one which didn't bother me that's what I want and need
We got here Gino wasn't home so Alan show me to the room I'll be staying in and leave me to rest
I got in the shower and just cry for the little girl that I love so much that's not mine as for Michelle I never give a damn about her so whatever my mum did to her I don't care
A- hey you ok in there
JJ- yeah
A- Gino is back and he's got food and beer
JJ- be out in a minute
A- ok take your time
After Alan leave the door I managed to pull myself together to join them for dinner
G- so I heard you were in the bathroom crying like a little bitch
JJ- fuck off
G- come on little girl tell daddy what's wrong
A- leave him alone you know you're a dick right
G- I'm just trying to get my baby girl to talk
JJ- just eat your food and shut the hell up
G- ok ok I'm sorry but you know you can talk to us
JJ- yeah I know
After we finish eating we went outside on the beach with a box of beer and couple bottles of scotch
JJ- you know what hurt the most is the fact I brought her in the house and she rape my baby brother
G- she did what
JJ- my baby brother man I love him like my own I help raise him and now I can't even look at him because all of this is my fault
A- no it's not
JJ- you and I both know it is I should have watch out for him more and I should have talk to him and find out why he was acting up and why he didn't wanna come home
A- he had us all believing it was your dad
JJ- I should have know it wasn't that he didn't wanna come home he hardly talk to us G- talk to him and stop blaming yourself
JJ- I cant he hate me
G- Liam can never hate you like you said it was you he call when he had his first kiss it was you he call when he pass or failed a exam call him
JJ - and as for mum I don't think I could ever forgive her she didn't even give me the chance to get use to the idea that she is not mine she just took everything she left nothing behind it's like she wasn't even there my baby girl wasn't there
G- I'm sorry that's fuck up
A- what about Michelle where is she what is she saying
JJ- that bitch I don't give a fuck about her I hope to God she is dead because I'm going to kill her for what she did to my brother and the bitch think I didn't know we never fuck in college and I knew she was cheating I knew all about it
G- so why the hell did you stay with her and lose Janet in the process
JJ- I didn't know that we didn't slept together in college until after sky was born and she started cheating that's when I work everything out
A- so why didn't you leave her then
JJ- because her cheating didn't hurt me her lying did because like you said I lost Janet but when I look at my little girl there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for her
G- I'm sorry man
JJ- I couldn't leave her because I know what it like to be raised by a dad when mum was cheating on dad it was like we didn't have a mother it was just dad and even when dad miss out on 5 years of our life Nat and I all we ever wish for on our birthdays and Christmas is for our dad to come find us
A- but Janet would have been there
JJ- yeah and I would have to watch the women I love and promise a family to raise a child I got with another woman I just couldn't do that to her I love her too much and having to sit back and watch sky go back and forth between Michelle and I knowing the kind of woman she is and how she would use sky to hurt me for not being with her
I just couldn't do that to sky
G- so what are you going to do
JJ- start here with you lot
A- yeah right
JJ- lol no but for real I need some time away to get use to the fact she is not mine and never will be and I got my brother rape and he hate me
G- you need to stop saying that shit and talk to him and the other part how long is that going to take because it sure as hell won't be a week
JJ- as long as it take I can't go home and see the hate in my brother eyes are even sky calling him dad that will just kill me
G- come here
Gino walk over to me hugging on me
JJ- get off me asshole
G- stop crying and I will
JJ- ok ok I'm good
G- no you are not but seriously take all the time you need and I'll be here for you
A- we
G- yes we