The love I had and didn't

Forgiveness

JJ pov
I was in my room on my phone with Charlene tell her what happened she was upset about the way I spoke to my mum but after telling her I'll apologise when I see her she was back to listening to me and counsel me though it.
I feel like such a burden on every girl I'm with
I try not to be with Charlene because I no what was part of the problem with Janet I know she might not say it but sometimes I could feel it like she don't want to hear it anymore
So with Charlene I'm going to stop I'm going to try and not put so much pressure on her
JJ- hey there is someone at the door and there could only be two people my brother r my sister that the only two name I left at the front desk
C- ok go and talk to them but call me when they leave
JJ- no go to bed you have work tomorrow
C- please
JJ- no call when u wake up
C- but u will be asleep then
JJ- I'll wait up to talk to u
C-ok love u
JJ- what was that
C- nothing I said talk soon
JJ- ok talk soon bye
I hang up the phone and went to see Nat at the door
N- why aren't you answering your phone
JJ- sorry was talking to Charlene
N- oh ok how is she
JJ- she is good
N- I was coming to check on you but then dad call he said sky wake up wanting u
JJ- ok lets go
N- aren't you going to sleep
JJ- I did sleep on the plane I had a bed
N- oh so u just wanted to leave the hospital
JJ- yes I did but let's get back
N- oh before I forgot I over hear Janet talking to Kevin
JJ- I don't wanna hear it I owe her on apology and mum too
N- no u don't
JJ- yes I do I need to let go of all this hurt and anger it's not doing me any good
N- see too soft
JJ- oh shut up it's not soft it's the right thing to do not because someone hurt you don't mean you and to go around hurting people
N-whatever
We walk back to the hospital and I saw Janet and Kevin standing outside side by their car so I told not I'll meet her inside and make my way over to them
JJ- hey Kevin do u mind if I speak to Janet for a minute please
K- yes I do if you are here to shout at my wife again you can fuck off
JJ- I deserve that but no I'm not I'm here to apologise to her
J- it's ok baby get in the car I'll be in, in a minute
Kevin got in the car and we walk a bit away from it
JJ- Janet I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the way I talk to you before there was no need for it, and I'm sorry for all I put on u over the year and thank u for being there for me I don't know if I ever tell you how much I appreciate it
J- there is no need JJ
JJ- no there is and I also want to apologise for the pain have cause u over the years u may think I never love u but I did I loved u so much u were the best part of me and I just wanted to hold and to you but I think I hold on too tight because I was killing ur light and I can see that now so I let u go to be with a better man because I no he don't come with all my problems and he will let you spread your wings and fly something I couldn't do so here I'm setting you free with my blessings I'm happy for you Janet
With that I hug her as she cry I kiss the top of her head and look up to see Kevin standing there so I turn her around so that he could hold her
JJ- again congratulations to both of you
K- thanks
I walk in the hospital to see my dad and mum getting off the lift, oh shit another apology oh fuck this is going to be hard because have got a lot of resentment towards my mum ok here goes nothing
JJ- dad
D- hey son we are just leaving
M-yeah I'll get out your way
JJ- mum can I talk to you please before you go
M- yeah of course son, josh go get the car I'll be out in a minute
D- ok, you good son
JJ- yeah
Dad walk away away and we make our way over to the seating area lucky for us no one was around
M- so what is it son
JJ- I want to apologise
M- no son if anyone should apologise it me I put u though a lot of shit over the years and I'm still doing it
JJ- no mum I shouldn't have talk to you the way I did
M- no you should have done that along time ago
JJ- mum please let me apologise to
M- no because I don't deserve one JJ I took your baby girl off you I didn't even give you the chance to get use the idea the both of you, and just came in and think I know best
JJ- that hurt the way you went about it I know I had to hand her over to Liam but I wanted just a little time to get use to it
L- and I didn't give it to you I'm sorry baby, and I went and did it again when you ask for time to get over what I did I push some more oh God I'm the worst mum
JJ- not going to hear me complain lol
L- did I do anything right for you kids
JJ- we r who we r today because of you we learn how to look after ourselves
L- I wish I could do it all over again there is so much things I would have done differently
JJ- sadly we can't turn back time
L- do you think you could ever forgive me
JJ- already did
L- really
JJ- yes just going to need some time
L- take all the time you need I'll be waiting
JJ- I love you mum
L- I love you too son