Elements of Earth: The Element Trials

Chapter 4b, 2020, Estrellita: A girl's theory of independent operation

I woke in my Sherlock Holmes chair. Had the cold sleep been so short? All I remember is the flash of a canyon, a storm, lightning, then darkness. I check the time frustrated and unsatisfied. "Oh, come on! This is bullshit!" I was dropped back into the library in my mind, but more than enough time had passed in the real world for a day to pass in the cold sleep. I must have experienced it but it feels like the memories have been eaten away. The cold sleeps don't always have precise beginnings and endings, but I had hoped to see something. Or what if instead, I had forgotten everything from the cold sleep? Memories of my reality being eaten away. It happened outside the library; now it's happening here. I found that I no longer had any interest in the book in my lap and set it on the end table.

Setting it down, I feel a spark of pain, a gap in my mind, as I'm reminded of how I chose the book. Part of my mind is missing like I sliced a piece off in the cold memory I can't remember and when I left I forgot to take it with me. I tried to connect with the piece I'd left behind but couldn't. Was it still frozen in the memory? What would be the effect of being separated from myself until I can access the memory again? Then something novel occurred to me.

"If I can experience a dream inside of a dream, can I witness a memory inside of a memory?" I've accessed cold sleep memories of being Kira that I have already seen before. If I re-enter those memories can part of me access a memory Kira is thinking about? It wouldn't be so different from the way I chose a book. I'm already able to get the gist of what she's thinking, but if I mind split and dedicate part of my mind to her internal memory instead of the memory surrounding it, perhaps I could witness it.

"Need to try this," I mumbled to myself, debating which memory to choose. Excluding the most recent, there are four to pick from. "MEEEEEH MEEEEH MEEEH." The colors and lines of my world began to fall and orbit around me and I sank into the epicenter. "No! No, I'm not ready!" I tried rebuilding the melting walls with my mind as I swam against the current of thoughts draining around me.

"Ungh..." I groaned. I smacked the wall panel to silence the alarm. In my float tank, unlike in a normal bed, it was impossible to roll over and pull a blanket over my head. A bright light, the alarm I'd programmed to wake me up replaced the darkness inside. I set it early enough so I could get dressed and run down to the balcony to see the sunrise. I opened my capsule and rose to grab my towel.

"Estrellita, do you want coffee?" Vivian asked through my door.

"Yes please." I called out in reply, before darting out of my room in my preferred comfy weekend outfit: a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. Only in the kitchen for a momnet I snatched the mug of coffee, black with honey, as I sprinted out the door. "Breakfast will be ready in an hour!" Vivian called out to me.

"Ok!" That gives me just enough time. I'm halfway to the stairs before I run back inside. "Have you seen-".

"They're on the bar-top."

"Thanks!" I grabbed my phone and earbuds. I don't really have much use for a phone. I don't have anyone to call or text. Even if I did, it doesn't have a SIM card. But I can connect to our wifi so I can listen to music or books, but most of the time I use my tablet or computer for that. The phone is mostly only useful on the balcony.

I grab the rolled up yoga mat I keep by the door and stretch it out on the balcony. I used to roll it out much closer to the edge but once I almost fell off during Balancing Crow. Now I stay much closer to the door. Before starting, I scroll through my favorite YouTube artists and select some Alan Watts chill-step. People are awesome, creativizing Zen philosophy lectures into EDM mixes. I plug in my earbuds and stick the phone into my shirt.

I run through a circuit of mountain sun salutations before forward folding into the downward dog cycle. After twenty minutes warming up and another ten of cooling down, I set aside my headphones and phone. I stretch out into corpse pose, arms relaxed and out to my sides. I picture my mental sanctuary. Oddly enough my sanctuary isn't my library. It's a wide and deep cobblestone well. For all my wants of travel and freedom, I am most at peace here, constrained, secure, floating on my back in a pool at the bottom of a well. Picturing it in my mind I contemplate what my senses would feel and simulate them in my mind.