One Breath (OffGun)

19. To You I Belong

Neil......

Mark wash the dishes. He glad that Neil ate his breakfast, even just a bit.
And when he backs to the room, he finds the sleeping little pretty boy.

He sit on the bed, beside Neil. He look that small person who curles like a fluffy ball under the duvet.
Actually, after Neil left without anywords some days ago, Mark started to feel that his life became unbalance. He started to recognize that something missing in his daily life when he saw no face an heard no voice of Neil. He started to realize that whenever he feel down, wherever he need accompany, whatever bad things or his mood become worst, Neil always beside him.
He started to feel complete when Neil stay around him.

Like now......

Will he be angry if I come close to him to make sure that he's the missing piece of my heart?
Mark ask to herself. His hand caressing Neil's soft hair.

Pang creeps into his heart when he see teardrops start to fall from Neil's eyes. He lies beside Neil, hugging, and spooning him, when he see Neil start to into some sobs and shakes his body.

"Please, don't cry, Neil," Mark whisper into Neil's ear while wrap that petite body tighten. "Please forgive this stupid senior. Please don't cry anymore. I don't deserve your crystal tears. Please, Neil, please...."

Neil doesn't open his eyes. His sobs turn into bawls and he starts to punch his chest, too.

Mark's heart broke into pieces. He can't hold his tears anymore. And since he can't stop Neil's punch his chest, he move himself to Neil's opposite and hug that boy so tight until Neil can't move anymore in his embrace.

Mark starts to caress Neil's back when his bawls start to fade out. He pushes himself to kiss Neil's temple with soft kisses, and put his cheek on it.

"Neil....," Mark whisper to Neil's ear when he feel some tears glid on that cheek.
"I shouldn't brought her here, on that spot, at that time, if I realize first that that tree and dusk time are your sweet memory about us. I shouldn't let her held my hand and whispered close to my ears.
And......
I... Shouldn't let myself follow the mood and...."

Mark can't finish his words when he feel Neil's body shake and palms cover that face. His heart break more and more listen Neil's cry. His voice full with painfully and bitterness. The most painfull voice Mark ever heard in his life.

"Neil, please.... You can hit me, you can slap me, kick me, punch me, anything.. Just... Please, don't cry anymore. Please, Neil, please...
You can shout to me, yell at me, mad at me, or curse me. Everything.. But, please, take down your cold treatment to me... Please.. I can't see you hurt yourself like this. Please, Neil..."

Mark hugs Neil again. He himself can't hold his tears anymore. He pull Neil closer and hold that man very tight like no more tommorow.

How can he be that stupid about his own heart?
He always feel insecure day by day everytime he sees Neil surround by people other than his classmate.
He always feel the urge to come close to him when his eyes can't catch him, even just a shadow.
He always feel calm and easy everytime he sees Neil around him.

But he still can't understand all of that, until .....

"Phi, I want to ask something," that girl of Neil stand in front of Mark.

Mark just stare at her and nod a little, than put his eyes back to his phone.

"Do you love him?"

Mark star that girl back and tilt his head.
"Him?"

"Yes. Him. Do you love my boy?"

Mark think for seconds.

"Yep. I guess you know who am I talking about," said Ara when she find some answer on Mark's face.

"So, what's your answer? Do you love him?"

Mark put down his phone. He doesn't know how to answer that question, because he ask that to himself, too.

"Phi, if you don't, please let him go. Don't make him walk on the string like this," Ara start to leave Mark and his tought.

"Because I start tired to bring him home and take care of drunken boy almost everynight.
If you can't sweep his tears, just leave."

Mark take Neil's palm and hold that softly. He feels that little palm fit and perfect in his. He kisses that for a moment, and put it back to his chest.

Mark embraces Neil's body, hugs it tight, and feels that little warm body so perfect in his. He kisses Neil's head, and everything become perfect in his moment right now.

He already knows the answer of that question. And now, he understands his heart. He gets his last puzzle, he gets the last answer.

I love you, Neil.
I know now, that I belong to you.

Mark takes his breath, his one deep breath, and says his answer to Neil.

I'm your man, and you're my everything.
Please, don't go, don't runaway, don't hide again.
Because you took my heart away, and I can't live without it. Without you.

Please....
Will you?