The Story After the End

Diagnosis

It's been almost a week since my conversation with Carrie, and I still haven't decided what I want to do about Peter.

"Well how am I supposed to start a conversation like that," I ask Becca over video chat.

"Just start with the truth 'I had a mental breakdown,'" Becca replies with all seriousness in her voice.

"I can't start with that. He'll think I'm crazy," I say back.

"Sweetie, you kinda are," Becca jokes.

"Yeah, but in all seriousness how am I supposed to tell Peter?" I ask feeling sad.

"That all depends on how much you want him to know," Becca replies.

"Okay, I'll tell him soon, I promise," I tell Becca.

We say our goodbyes and hang up the phones. All I can think about is my approach with Peter. All I know is I have to tell him before it is too late.

...

I'm sitting at our table during lunch, waiting for Peter, when Becca comes up and sits down across from me. 

"Have you seen Peter today?" I ask. 

"Um," Becca starts to reply right as Peter sits down.

"Hey, Alexis Texas," Peter says while smiling.

"Well hello, Peter Pan," I reply with a similar smile,"Becca, could you give us a minute, me and Peter need to talk."

"Take all the time you need," she says as she winks at me.

"Uh oh, a 'we need to talk' talk, are you breaking up with me?" Peter jokes.

"I'd never break up with you," I say trying to flirt. 

We both laugh as we look into each others eyes. I notice that he has eyes the color of the ice cold blue. They seem icy, yet friendly at the same time, making me want to know more. 

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Peter asks.

"I...um...wow this is harder than I thought," I say nervously. 

"What's harder?" Peter asks, now getting genuinely confused. 

"I thought I should explain to you what happened last year and why I disappeared," I reply.

"You don't have to," Peter says to me and I see what looks like pity and sadness in his eyes.

"I do if I want us to have a good and honest friendship and... and... maybe more," I say, mumbling the last part so softly I am not even sure he heard it.

"Okay," Peter simply says.

It all started my Junior year of high school. It was the first day back and I hadn't had the chance to speak to any of my friends yet. I started to feel very anxious and a panicky feeling in my chest. I wanted to talk to Micah about it, but when I went to talk to him he looked the other directions and walked away after barely saying a word.

December 28 was the last day I went to school my Junior year because every day I was feeling these awful pains that would not go away. Burning pains, stabbing pains, sharp pains, aching pains, scratchy pains, and pains that made me scream and cry. 

I went to countless doctors all over, nut nobody had an answer. I went through MRIs, CAT scans, and dozens of blood tests, but no results. Doctors accused me of lying and making it up, which just caused me to hurt more. There was no solution for months.

Until, finally, I was diagnosed with Pediatric Fibromyalgia. A chronic illness with no cure. Fibromyalgia causes not just excruciating pain, but also depression, anxiety, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, memory loss, brain fog, messing up words, nausea, restless leg syndrome, and many many more that I can't all list. 

I had to go through months of in-patient therapy. I did physical, occupational, and mental therapy. That's where I met Becca. She was a volunteer at the hospital and was one day in the group therapy room while I was speaking. She approached me after, and the rest is history. 

"The beginning of this year was my first day back after everything happened," I say as I look down at my lap.

"Oh," replies Peter, "so, is it like life-threatening or something?" he asks.

"Um no, but it is a lifelong condition with no cure and kinda sucks... so...yeah," I answer looking up for the first time. Peter is staring at me with something in his eyes, not pity but affection. Something I was not expecting. 

"Lexis, did you think this was going to change anything between us?" he questions.

"Uh...kinda...I guess I was afraid of that," I say.

"You shouldn't of, nothing can change the way I feel about you," Peter replies while taking my hand to hold in his. 

"Really?" I ask hopefully.

"Yeah, really," Peter answers while pulling me into a hug.