Warmth

Pigs.

Pogo's P.O.V.

I felt like picking Twiggy up, scream at him to wake up & once he does I'd go yell at him because he was such an idiot...an ungrateful, self-centered, & inconsiderate idiot.

Why? Because after all I'd done for him & that stupid kid of Manson's, this is how he'd pay me back! With a fucking medical bill & a fetus in a jar! Manson would kill me for this.

For Zim's sake we rushed the shell of a once gleeful & innocent boy to the hospital. We ran red lights, did not get a ticket, got police to escort us to the hospital with those sirens of theirs (and may I add they left a ringing in my ears that drove me nuts for at the least two hours), then let some fat ladies take away my lover & daughter in a gurney. Zim & I were made to wait at some white room with cold metal chairs that were side by side & an empty nurse station. It was kind of like the one the band was in when we shot the video for I Don't Like the Drugs except it was less glamorous & not at all comfortable. We just sat there. Then we waited for the nurses to come back in either worry or boredom or any of those other feelings that would make people wanna die... or those that can kill people.

Really, I had a right to be angry.

Angry because Twiggy was dumb enough to swallow everything that would give poison control a heart attack.

Angry at him for being so selfish because he might have killed himself.

Angry at him because he killed our baby!! God dammit, that kid was not even mine. It was Brian's & that KILLED me. I waisted nearly my entire life savings for that kid, but look how things ended up. There isn't even a REFUND for all of this mess. It fucked me up every time when I thought about how it was Manson's kid that was in there but not mine. And it bugged me whenever Jeordie wanted Manson & I tried to be enough for him. It seemed like my efforts were completely ignored & useless.

And I was angry at myself for not trying my hardest to care for Jeordie. Angry at myself for not taking good care of him & letting him do this to himself. And I was FURIOUS at myself for not being good enough.

Then I conjured up all of these hateful thoughts while all of the girly things we bought for the kid rotted in my car's trunk & while the whole world went to rest on a nice fucking pillow, & while Zim & I waited for that cunt known as the nurse to come. Zim had fallen asleep soundly after waiting for her return. Now he had his forehead supporting his weight on the hard metal arm rest attached to the chair. I picked him up & cradled him just so I could steal some of his his warmth & give him some comfort. Anyone would understand. We were best of friends & this was common between band members. And, what else should I do at a time like this? Cry & pray to mother fucking god that everything would be alright? I fell asleep shortly after.

When morning came, Zim was not in my arms like a small child anymore. Instead, he & I lay in my car with his arms snaked around my shoulders & resting on my chest. I never questioned how we got here. His tiny & frail body was just over mine & under a black comforter (I always kept it in my car for emergencies or whenever my mother kicked me out of my house when I was younger), his thighs around my hips in such an innocent manner that it was cute. I could feel his warm breath on my neck & the steady rhythm of his heart beating against my own. Zim's soft hair was scattered all over my face, but it was fine because he looked as if he tried to keep it from scattering. He smelled nice. He smelled the way he used to when we did this sort of stuff... cuddle. His scent was welcoming & calming. It was not my thing but when you love somebody the way I did, shit happens. I liked Zim. He kinda got me in a way Twiggy never could & Zim had always been there for me when I needed him. He was unlike any other; Zim wasn't like Twiggy. Zim did not make me feel uncomfortable, he made me feel appreciated. He didn't make me feel like I had to do everything in my power to impress him. And, Zim was not dead like Twiggy was. Or at least dead to me.